Love Bytes
by Moondancing Millie
Summary: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. Surprise suprise, her perfect match is exactly who she didn't want to end up with. SB
1. Welcome to Online Dating

**A/N Hi, I'm Moondancing Millie, and I'm new to the world of Buffy fan-fiction. I've heard you guys are a tough crowd to please, but I'm a huge Buffy fan, so be nice! Any mistakes (whether Buffy or grammar-related) feel free to point them out. I've given this to my proof reader super-fan Megan, but just in case...**

**This is set after Riley left in Season 5.**

**P.S. Yes, I'm probably getting annoying now, but I just need to say I mean no offence with the references to the UK. I'm British myself, so you know... **

**SUMMARY: **_After failed relationships with both Angel and Riley, Tara and Willow suggest online dating for Buffy. Relunctantly, she signs up, only to receive the biggest shock of her life. Maybe this Slayer is destined to be with a vampire after all..._

**_Welcome to Please fill in your details in_ BLOCK CAPITALS _so we can find you the best match possible._**

**_Please note all details are confidential._**

**Name**: _BUFFY SUMMERS_

**Age**: _21_

**Area of Work**: - - -

Ah, now there's the rub.

Buffy paused. She nibbled nervously on her chipped nail, then minimized the window on her laptop. She found playing solitaire particularly comforting at times like these.

Because Buffy's situation was complicated. She wasn't unemployed, _per se_, more like employed by destiny.

But now that just sounded cheesy.

She pulled the window back up, and typed in cautiously: _LAW ENFORCEMENT_

It wasn't completely lying.

She filled in the rest of her details, then submitted her form. For the thirty seconds it took for the next web-page to load, Buffy thought her head was going to explode. God, who knew dating was so complicated? She wished that romance was as simple as slaying: simple, direct, stake to the heart.

**MATCH!**

Buffy jumped from the small PING! that came from her laptop. She clicked to open the profile.

**Name**: _WILLIAM ( SURNAME UNDISCLOSED)_

**Age**:_ 21_

**Area of Work**: _LAW ENFORCEMENT_

**Likes**: _Horror movies, Happy Meals, Manchester United_.

**Dislikes:** _Breadboxes, people who attempt world domination/apocalypses._

It also included his IM address.

_William_. It had a ring to it, she thought. Buffy-and-William. William-and-Buffy. As Buffy tasted the union on her tongue, she was met by another interruption.

**YOUR MATCH HAS JUST LOGGED ON!**

Buffy was unsurprised by the _PING!_ this time. She clicked on the flashing icon, and typed her message:

**Hi. I'm Buffy. I'm your match!**

While awaiting a reply, she chewed on her lip - a habit her mother had tried to discourage before her death - and drummed on her desk with her half-painted nails. Please don't let him be a loser, please don't let him be loser...

_**Hi.**_

Well _THAT_ was kind of lame. Buffy raised an eyebrow, and hesitated before replying politely.

**Are you OK?**

_**No I'm bloody well not.**_

Oh. He was British. Maybe that explained it. Never cross Giles in a mood. Maybe today it was raining in Britain, and William liked the sun. But Giles had said it "rained all the bloody time" in England. So there was really no excuse. He should be used to it by now.

**You're not exactly appearing date-like material, William.**

Buffy was sharp to respond. It was her first online dating experience, and was not going well. She knew from the moment Tara and Willow had suggested it that Buffy and the internet were un-mixy things. Just like Buffy and cars, and Buffy and the brand-new dishwasher that only Mom knew how to use...

_**Bugger off then.**_

She furiously closed the window, and went back to solitaire. Perfect match, her ass. Willow's cat Miss Kitty Fantastico would make a better date, and her vocab only extended to 'Mew'.

"Buffy?"

Buffy swivelled to see where the wimpish whisper had come from, and saw her kid sister standing in the doorway.

"What, Dawn?" Buffy asked irritably.

"Um, Xander's stuck. Again."

Buffy rolled her eyes, and stood up, before a muffled "BUFFY!" from the garden below, and she turned to Dawn. "What happened this time?"

"He and Anya had a fight, and then she kinda..."

Dawn trailed off as they reached the garden. The sight before them was far more entertaining than solitaire. Xander's face wasn't visible, instead, it had been hid by a small silver bucket, which Xander was - without success - trying to prise off.

"Put a bucket on his head," Dawn finished.

Anya appeared at Buffy's side. "Its his own fault," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"What did he do?" asked Buffy, as Dawn began to help Xander.

Anya didn't answer the question. Instead, she asked one. "Am I fat?"

"No, Anya!" came a cry from Xander. "Geez, I said no!"

"You hesitated," sniffed his girlfriend. "Your exact words were 'Um, no.' What the hell was there an 'um' for? I can just hear you talking to all your sweaty, perfectly muscular construction friends: 'Anya is strange. She likes to fondle money and is too fat'."

Buffy rolled her eyes for the second time, and lifted the bucket off Xander's head easily. Xander - now adorably pink - breathed a sigh of relief. "Have I ever mentioned how cool it is to have Wonder Woman as my best friend?"

"Once or twice," replied Buffy with a smile.

She gave a Dawn a wink, then headed back up to her room. She was going to log back on, and give that William a piece of her mind. Nobody pissed off the Chosen One and got away with it...

But he was already offline. He'd left a message though, but it was only a line long.

**_Tomorrow. Dusk. The Bronze._**

Buffy narrowed her eyes, then shut down her laptop. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she could give this William a piece of her mind...

**A/N Let me know what you think! Even bad reviews are welcome. Just click on the little purple box below, you know you want to. Any questions I can answer in review replies - I always reply. Thanks, Moondancing Millie.**


	2. Never Kill A Boy on the First Date

**A/N - Wow. The response to this story was amazing - I didn't realise how many people read Buffy fanfics. Thank-you guys so much, and I hope I replied to all the signed reviews I recieved. If I didn't, I'm sorry, and I'll make sure to next time. Can there be a next time? Can you review again? Pretty please?**

**I'm sorry if this isn't very good. There were some really great bits in here, then I was logged out! I was furious, and there was no way to get them back.. So, sorry about that.**

**Enjoy - Moondancing Millie**

**SUMMARY: **_After failed relationships with both Angel and Riley, Tara and Willow suggest online dating for Buffy. Relunctantly, she signs up, only to receive the biggest shock of her life. Maybe this Slayer is destined to be with a vampire after all..._

Spike stuck out his chin proudly and pulled his leather coat onto his shoulders. Finally, he had Buffy where he wanted her. He was going a real date with Buffy - Buffy Summers - the girl, no woman - he'd been in love with for ages. All the suffering he'd been through - with Harmony and that bloody unicorn - aswell as the sodding chip that had been implanted in his skull, was finally going to be worth it. Buffy was free of that nancy-boy Riley, and he could sit her down and she would fall in love with him too, and they'd live happily ever after...

At least, that was the plan.

* * *

Buffy stood in front of her mirror, pouting. She fiddled nervously with her hair, then frowned. That was it, she was changing. But this was the last time, she swore.

It would have been easier if Buffy knew the occasion. She knew for Slayer-wear it was something durable, yet adorable. For date-wear, it was something bordering on slutty with just a hint of innocence. But what do you wear for a maybe-date, maybe ass-kicking?

She slung her long blonde hair into a ponytail, and kicked off her stilletos. Whilst searching for her biker boots, she wrestled with a pair of cropped denims. Wipe off the pink lippy and add a dash of dangerous red, and she was fit to go. This William wouldn't know what hit him.

"Is everything O.K?" Buffy called out downstairs. "I'm going now. Is Dawn OK?"

"Dawn's fourteen, and doesn't need a sitter," scowled her sister from the bottom of the stairs.

"You'd be fine if it was Xander sitting instead of Willow,"said Buffy, with raised eyebrows.

"Welll...well...you suck, Buffy," replied Dawn. "Being the sister of the Chosen One is all night-time and poof-ing vampires. One of these days I'm gonna show you I don't need a sitter."

"I'm going now," she repeated. "Be good."

"Yadda, yadda, yadda..." muttered Dawn, but she let Buffy kiss her on the forehead anyway.

Since her mom's car had to be sold, there was no other way to the Bronze but to walk. Buffy suddenly felt better in her biker boots. Stylish-yet-affordable stilletos aren't great for walking into vamp-infested territory.

Buffy gazed at the sky as she began walking. She liked dusk : it was time when she could be Buffy Summers: normal girl, just for the few seconds where she anticipated the darkness, and the vampires she'd soon be facing on patrol. For normal people, she guessed this was like Christmas Eve.

She couldn't think of life as being anything but the Slayer now, but sometimes she thought life would be much simpler if all she had to worry about was school and dating. But no, just that much responsiblity wasn't good enough for Buffy Summers. She _had_ to have the world's wellbeing on her shoulders too.

As she neared the Bronze though, the teenage fears Buffy thought she'd left behind at 16 started creeping in. Was it slutty to kiss on a first date? What if he didn't like her outfit? What if she wasn't what he had been expecting? Should she have straightened her hair more?

_Oh for God's sake,_ thought Buffy furiously. _It's not even a date. Its just a ..._

**Thing.**

The blackboard outside the Bronze read : DJ tonight. Buffy paid her cover, and headed inside. The darkness of the nightclub swamped her, and Buffy grinned. Nightime had begun - and this was her Christmastime. She liked it even better like this.

* * *

Spike sat alone by the bar, half-mindedly scanning the menu. Finally, he came to the conclusion that they really had nothing to match the onion flower, and set it down, exhaling heavily. Where was she?

Suddenly, a group of adolescents broke apart with their soft drinks - bless them - and Spike could see her. The golden glow of her hair, the dangerous sparkle of her eyes... He ran a hand through his hair, and went to greet her.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said in her ear, as she came closer. She looked distracted, however, and replied to Spike absent-mindedly.

"Not now Spike, I'm meeting someone here. Haven't you got anywhere else to be pathetic and useless?"

Spike frowned. "Hot date, pet?" he asked, wondering if this confusion was Buffy's idea of foreplay.

Buffy sighed, and turned to him. "Yes, OK?" she replied, irritably. "So I'd appreciate it if you weren't here being a pain in my ass."

Then Spike saw. She really didn't understand.

"Right then," said Spike gruffly, shrugging his coat back on. "I'll sod off, and I hope the bugger doesn't stand you up."

And off he went, leaving Buffy to buy her own drink at the bar. Buffy waited, stirring a margherita. What was Spike doing here? she thought. Did he have a hote date too? Maybe it was just a coincedence? Or maybe he was just stalking her.

Pevert.

Half an hour passed before Buffy realised this date wasn't going to take place. She paid for her drink, and stood up, gathering her things. Stood up! This William really had crossed the line.

Storming out of the Bronze with half a mind to collect her cover back, Buffy was lost in her own revenge plans. Twice in two days this William had made this Slayer mad, and she was going to get him. But if he ended up with funny syphilis on his parts by the time she'd finished, she wasn't going to be held responsible. That was his own damn fault.


	3. When She Was Mad

**A/N Thankyou for the huge response to the last two chapters! Its means so much that you guys review. I hope this chapter is satisfactory! Also, there's been some enquiry as whether Angel is coming back. Do you guys want him back?**

**Speak up!  
**

**Moondancing Millie**

**P.S This goes out to my ever-faithful reviewer and beta, Moonlight Silhouette (but I call her Meg), and my bestest buddy-turned relunctant fanfictioner Maz. I love you guys!**

**SUMMARY: **_After failed relationships with both Angel and Riley, Tara and Willow suggest online dating for Buffy. Relunctantly, she signs up, only to receive the biggest shock of her life. Maybe this Slayer is destined to be with a vampire after all..._

"So, how did it go?" asked Willow, excitedly jumping up as soon as Buffy was through the front door. "Did you kick his ass, or did you just cut straight to the smooochies?"

"There was no ass-kick," replied Buffy, sadly. "Or smoochies," she added, even sadder.

Willow looked even more disappointed, as she hung Buffy's jacket up for her. "Not even flirtatious banter?"

"Try Buffy sitting alone for half an hour, sipping a drink, then calling it a night," grumbled Buffy.

"He stood you up?" Willow looked shocked.

"Do you have to put it like that?" asked Buffy, settling in front of the TV, hardly paying attention to the Friends re-run that was playing. Willow handed her popcorn, but Buffy ignored her.

"I'm sorry," Willow replied meekly, furrowing her brow adorably. "But you look like you have something a'brewing inside that little Buffy brain of yours. Do ya?"

"Why? Do you have some nasty little jinx inside your little witchy brain of yours?" Buffy retorted. "'Coz there's no harm in a little vengance..."

"No... but vengance - Buffy, you could ask Anya? I'm sure she'd love to help. With all that ex-demony feelings beneath the surface? She'd _pay_ you to let her cast evilness."

"I guess. I'll call her in a min." She absent-mindedly took a handful of popcorn. "And then I guess I'll just turn in for the night."

"What about patrolling?"

Buffy pulled a face.

"I really can't be bothered," she said, taking another handful. "I'll just get Spike on it. You know he's just dying for a good fight."

"Um... OK," replied Willow. "So I guess I'm still minding Dawn?"

"Oh," said Buffy, ashamed."I completely forgot about Dawn. How is she?"

"Still wishing it was Xander babysitting," groaned Dawn, appearing in the living room in teddy-bear pajamas. "No offence, Wil."

"Some taken," whispered Willow, smiling sadly.

Buffy stood up to kiss Dawn on her forehead, then reached for her jacket. "I'm gonna go fill Spike in on patrolling, then I'll call in on Xander and Anya - see if Anya's in the mood for some vengance."

"Vengance?" echoed Dawn. "As in, boils on a-"

"No!" cried Willow suddenly. "Like... nightmares, right Buff?"

"Uh-huh..." replied Buffy slowly, nodding. "Catch you later, guys."

"But, Buffy!" Willow called out. "Be careful - you know, with the...'nightmares'? 'Cause we all remember when Willow got with the internet-buddiness?"

"I'm not a stupid high-school sophmore anymore, Wil," Buffy said firmly, and she stepped outside, leaving Willow biting her lip furiously, and searching for words.

* * *

"Spike! Open up!"

"Sod off, there's a re-run _Passions_!"

"Spike!" Buffy yelled, banging on the door of his crypt. "I need to talk to you!"

Surprisingly, this worked, and Spike was in the doorway with an expecting expression on his face. "Yes?"

"Don't look so happy," said Buffy, and she invited herself into the crypt. "Wow, you've really done a lot with the place since I was here last... I-"

"Cut the crap, Slayer," replied Spike, rudely. "What do you want?"

"Fancy taking over patrolling tonight?" Buffy accompanied her plea with an adorable little grin. "I'm just not in the mood."

"Date go well?" he asked suddenly, not answering her. "Mr Perfect meet and greet you with roses and serenade you by the bloody moon?"

"That's none of your business, Spike," Buffy whispered timidly, then built herself up again. "Are you going to do patrolling or not?"

"He stood you up!" he cried. "The ponce stood you up and I know it. It's in your eyes.. you're all pathetic-looking and that."

"He didn't stand me up," she replied defiantly, but her expression was unsure. "He was delayed."

"Of course," said Spike, settling down in front of the TV, and turning up the volume. "Why in the world would anybody stand you up?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Buffy, angrily.

"Well," he began. "You're the Slayer. If that's not intimidating, I'm not sure what is."

"Not everybody knows I'm the Slayer," she defended herself. "And I think they like my hair."

"Sure they do, Goldilocks, its like its out of a bloody shampoo advert," he replie absent-mindedly, eyes glued to Passions.

Buffy frowned, but pouted as she spoke her thoughts out-loud. "But what if Mystery Guy took one look at me in the Bronze and turned around, for whatever reason," she whimpered. "What if I'm not girlfriendy material for the living anymore?"

Spike softened, and turned in his armchair to face Buffy.

"Don't worry about m... - I mean, your Mystery Guy," he said.

"I won't." Buffy brightened. "I'm gonna curse him. I'm going straight to Anya's, and we're going to wreak vengance!"

Spike turned paler than his usual living-dead complexion.

"B-B-Buffy!" he blurted, jumped to his feet. "Are you sure that's wise-"

"I deserve some vengance!" cried Buffy. "After Angel and Parker and Riley..."

"But curses? Buff, wait!"

But Buffy was out of the door of his crypt. "Don't forget patrolling!" she called behind her. And then she was out of sight.

"Oh, bugger!" hissed Spike, as he fell over his armchair during his cursing. "Here comes the funny syphillis, then. Bring on the fun."


	4. Angel

**A/N With thanks to all those who responded to my Author's Note, and to my new beta, Production of Punk.**

**I've also decided to re-enable anonymous reviews - as one flame shouldn't limit kinder readers. Sorry for the temporary bar, guys.**

**SUMMARY: **_After failed relationships with both Angel and Riley, Tara and Willow suggest online dating for Buffy. Relunctantly, she signs up, only to receive the biggest shock of her life. Maybe this Slayer is destined to be with a vampire after all..._

As Buffy made her way to Xander and Anya's apartment, she began to feel grave reservations. After all, she was a Vampire Slayer, chosen to protect mankind, and not to wreak vengeance upon it. Was one really lousy date worth tarnishing her heroic reputation? 

Cemeteries are a real drag, she thought, as she kicked the leaves out of the way. Gravestone after gravestone, the place just screamed horror movie clich? Any minute now there'd be a really scary monster of some kind -

"Hey Slayer, up for a fight?"

Here we go, Buffy continued, rolling her eyes, and extended an arm for a sucker punch. The vamp went sprawling across the ground, kicking up a pile of chestnut-coloured leaves in Buffy's face. She reached inside her jacket for a stake to finish this guy off - this one was so ridiculously easy - when she realised she'd left her leather jacket in Spike's crypt. And denims were just so hard to hide a stake, you know?

She groaned as she dealt the vampire another jump-kick to the groin, and spun around to punch it's face as it bounced up for another attempt. Were there any trees to make a stake?

Buffy glanced at her surroundings to find nothing near. Typical. Trees always seemed to be in the way except for when you really needed them.

"Hey Buffy!"

Buffy turned around, surprised, and caught the stake thrown to her. She plunged it straight to the vamp's heart, who obediently turned to dust. After sticking the stake in the back pocket of her trousers (after much weighing up of the pros and cons) and brushing her hands clean, Buffy swivelled around to see who her convenient rescuer was.

Her heart swelled as she saw the broad, tall, dark-haired figure standing before her, grinning awkwardly. His own leather jacket was stressed and wind-beaten, and he looked so authorative and manly, Buffy could have -

Luckily, she restrained herself.

"Angel," she said, making a special effort to brush mud from her trousers. "What are you doing back in town so soon?"

"I know I was only here a few weeks ago for your mother's death," he replied, with a sympathetic nod to the mention of Buffy's mother. "But something's come up."

"What?" asked Buffy, almost excitedly. "We can fight it, can't we?"

"I'm almost sure of it," he replied, firmly. "We can fight it if we stick together."

Personally, Buffy had no problems with that scenario at all. Close to Angel, their bodies touching, sweating...

OK, back to the real world, and out of Buffy-Fantasy Land!

"Right," she said, with a confident nod. "Back to base, then?"

* * *

Not everybody was as pleased to see Angel as Buffy. The next evening, Buffy had called a Scooby meeting - all tag-alongs included - but Willow looked slightly cautious, and Xander's expression didn't change from a dark glare. Dawn was her always-annoying self, clinging to him and asking him questions about L.A that he couldn't possibly answer ("Is it really hot in the daytime?" "What are the malls like?", etc) but she eventually became bored. Even Buffy had to agree that Spike was getting more interesting. 

And that frightened her.

"What are we fighting then?" she asked, once Willow had relunctantly broke out the refreshment - not that this bothered Angel anyway. "A huge nest of vamps? A spiky-headed demon? Ooh! A witch?"

This last suggestion earned a glare from both Tara and Willow.

"It's a _coqueta_," declared Angel.

"Bless you," offered Dawn, but Giles shook his head.

"A _coqueta_," Giles repeated. "Spanish for flirt - is a little-known demon from South America."

"He's right," replied Angel. "Its often mistaken for a witch, as it takes the form of a beautiful woman, but they're very powerful, and very dangerous."

"A beautiful witchy-like thing?" asked Willow, with a pout. "How can that be dangerous?"

Anya spoke up. "I had a second-cousin by marriage who was a _coqueta_," she said, pleased to be involved. "She really was beautiful... until she murdered her husband. We were finding his eyeball for days."

There was an echo of "**Ugh**!", but Tara looked curious.

"So they change shape?" she queried. "Like, any shape?"

"Their regular form is liquid," Angel informed the Scoobies.

"Like mercury?" mentioned Willow.

"It's silvery like mercury, and it can get anywhere," he informed them. "They can get under doors, up walls and in through windows... and they have a miraculous charm to seduce any man - or woman, I guess - and have them under their control. Word is in L.A, one's heading straight for Sunnydale and it's mayor. Never underestimate the lure of an authority figure on a hellmouth."

"I say we stop off at the Magic Shop for weapons and research," decided Buffy, and she rounded all of the scoobies out of the house and into the air. A light breeze tickled Buffy's shoulder, and she shivered.

"You guys go on ahead!" she called. "I'm gonna get my jacket from Spike's first!"

"You O.K to go alone?" asked Angel, and Buffy laughed.

"You forget Spike's neutered now," she replied with a chuckle. "He couldn't hurt me if he tried."

She ran quickly to Spike's crypt, and knocked on the door hurriedly. Who knew how quickly this croquet person would get here?

She expected another episode of Passions to be on, but instead found the door slightly ajar, and voices coming from inside. Buffy prised the door open further, gently, and stepped down the stone steps.

"Hey, Spike, you really shouldn't leave the door op-"

She was struck mid-sentence by the sight she was met with. Slouched in his armchair, was a very pleased-looking Spike, and on his knee was a tall, slender girl about Buffy's age - maybe older. Her stick-like frame draped easily over Spike's form, and her long silvery-blonde hair fell down her back like a waterfall. She opened an eye to examine the intruder, and Buffy saw her eyes were sea blue. Buffy was dumbstruck. She was so beautiful. What was she doing with Spike?

Spike lifted the girl off his lap easily, and turned to see Buffy in the doorway.

"Buff!" he cried happily, and Buffy was uncomfortable with his unformality. "Just the girl I wanted to see. I want you to meet my new bird."

The girl dealt Buffy an icy stare.

"Her name's Coquetta - and she's bleedin' gorgeous isn't she - don't you think so, Buff?" asked Spike, eagerly, while Buffy kept eye-contact with 'Coquetta'. "She's South-American. She wants to meet the new Mayor of Sunnydale."

It was during these words that Buffy decided to forget all about her leather jacket, and lunge.

**No flames, please!**


	5. Revelations

**Ten Minutes Earlier...**

Spike heard a quiet rap at his door. Hoping it was Buffy, he turned off his T.V, made sure there were plenty of beer cans about, and ran a hand through his hair. Dragging on a cigarette rebelliously, he made his way to the door.

He pulled at the handle, and was about to miraclously accquire a low British drawl, when he felt a hand on his chest, and one, sharp nail draw a line down his back. Shivers swam up his spine, and he turned his head to see who had snuck up behind him.

"Who else?" came the seductive purr - not unlike the tone of voice was Spike was going for - almost reading his mind. "William the Bloody hiding from the night in his... charming crypt. It's almost adorable."

"Coquetta?" he asked, feeling the icy breath circle his earlobes, and he escaped the grasp of her china-white fingers to face her. "Blimey, haven't seen you since-"

"Praque," she replied, pressing a finger to his lips, and taking his hand, leading him down the stone steps into this crypt. "I was surprised not to see you with Dru in South America. Of course, she then explained about the chaos demon - you always have been the possessive type."

Spike stopped to protest, but Coquetta gestured for him to be quiet. "I've heard Sunnydale is a hell of a Hellmouth," she said with her tempting twang. "There's so much that can be done here. I mean, the Slayer's only a bug on the windshield in this car." She sat Spike down in his own armchair, and bent down to level her head with his, placing a hand on his knee. "Are we going to drive this thing together, Spike?"

"Now you think the Slayer's just a bug," started Spike. "But you'll soon find out she's more of a ... fox. She's sly, Coquetta."

"Drusilla was right," replied Coquetta, rolling her eyes and straightening. "You do smell of the Slayer. Her scent is all over you."

She began walking away, until Spike leapt up and grabbed a thin, slender hand, and tugged. "Listen," he whispered in her ear. "I'll help you with whatever you want with Sunnydale. But you're not getting out that easy. I want something back." Coquetta slung both her arms over his shoulders, and pouted flirtatiously.

"Of course," she said, enjoying Spike's piercing stare as she drew circles on his cheek. "I knew your services would come at a price. Something to eat - a gurgling baby with blood so fresh..." She watched Spike's mouth water. "Or a stoned party-hard student from UC Sunnydale?" Her eyes narrowed. "But not the Slayer, of course. Anyway, I have plans for her later."

"Not hungry today, pet," he said, shrugging her hands of his shoulders uneasily. "I need a favour any bint like you would be glad to do."

Coquetta bit her lip and giggled. "Oh William!" she crooned. "I'd be happy to make that Slayer churn-" and her hands wavered on the waistline of his jeans.

Spike raised an eyebrow, but shook his head.

"Not now," he warned her. "We'll save that for when the Slayer comes a'calling. Tell me all about your plans for Sunnydale. I'd wager any girl like you is sure to head straight for the Mayor."

"Read my mind exactly," she replied, pushing Spike into his armchair and sitting on his knee. "So if I get the Slayer jealous for you, you'll lead me straight to Mayor of Sunnydale. Because while you're my type, William, I don't have time for-"

"You just stick to your end of the bargain, I'll stick to mine," he agreed, and let Coquetta lay kisses on his neck.

"You know, you really shouldn't leave the door op - oh."

Spike spun around to see Buffy stood in the doorway, eyes glued to the dazzling form of Coquetta draped across his lap. He lifted the girl off easily, and ran to meet her.

"Buff!" he cried, and Buffy looked slightly uncomfortable, though she didn't move her gaze from the beauty behind him. "Just the girl I wanted to see."

Buffy raised an eyebrow, but Spike carried on.

"I want you to meet my new... uh...bird," he continued, and waited for Buffy's reaction as he elaborated. "Her name's Coquetta - and she's bleedin' gorgeous isn't she - don't you think, Buff?" he asked, eagerly. "She's South American. She wants to meet the new Mayor of Sunnydale."

Spike was regretting that last sentence as Buffy decided to lunge straight at Coquetta.

Oh, great. He was going to have to get involved in a bitch fight.

Wait, that didn't sound too bad.

But before he could get too excited, he saw that Coquetta had slid out of the way - Spike had almost forgotten about her shape-shifting powers before today - and Buffy was lying across the cold stone floor, fuming. She leapt up, in fighting stance - legs shoulder-width apart, fists curled, but Coqetta just laughed.

"Oh, Spike, she's just adorable!"

Spike saw Buffy turn red with anger, and she ran at Coquetta, dealing her a full-on punch in the face. Her neck snapped back, and Buffy looked pleased... until Coquetta lowered her chin, grinning.

"Spike!" shrieked Buffy, dodging Coquetta's retaliation. "Outside! Now!" And she spun around with a kick to Coquetta's head.

"Why?" asked Spike. "Surely anything you have to say to me you can say to my girl."

Buffy ground her teeth, and yelled: "Hello," she cried. "Demon about!"

"Well, yeah," said Spike, looking pleased. "Glad to see I'm still recognized as the Big Bad, and all that-"

"Not you!" she hissed, as Coquetta caught her jaw. With a lot of effort, Buffy flung the demon to the wall with an almighty thud. "Your... 'bird'."

"I don't why you're so bothered," replied Spike, walking nonchalantly over to Buffy, his jaw set. "Not with Angel about again."

Buffy frowned. "How did you know?"

"Oh please!" he cried. "I can smell the poncy gitface miles away."

"He's not a gitface," said Buffy, as she raised an arm to swing at Spike, but he caught her punch expertly. "Touch a nerve?"

Buffy fell silent, and Coquetta was quick enough to glide back into Spike's arms. She looked at Buffy with a smug smile; it was almost pitying. her perfect skin tone was unblemished by Buffy's attack, and her perfect rosebud lips met Spike with ease.

Not enjoying the kiss, however, Spike looked out from the corner of his eye for Buffy, who just stood there, tapping her foot impatiently. Though it might have been his imagination, he swore he saw just a hint of envious annoyance. He spoke up.

"You know what?" he asked. "I don't think Coquetta here is a demon. I think you just invented that by yourself, pet. And you know why? You're jealous-"

Spike's suggestion was met by a fist to his nose from Buffy, who promptly left, scooping her leather jacket from the back of Spike's armchair as she made her way out the door.

"Well," said Coquetta, as Spike tried to lick the blood from his nosebleed, hungrily. "I think that answered that question, don't you, William."

Spike relaxed his tongue, and let go of her. Strangely, he felt unsatisfied by the look of jealousy on Buffy's face. More than pleased, he felt guilty that he had upset her. Also, somewhere in that mix of emotion was pain. The bitch could always throw a bloody good punch.

* * *

"Trust Spike," said Angel, sinking into the sofa besides Buffy. "He just had to get involved." 

"I know," replied Buffy, taking a sip of the mug of hot chocolate she had in her hand. She'd spent the last half an hour telling the whole Scooby gang about Spike and his new squeeze - though she left out the part about the twinge in her stomach when she witnessed the kiss. When she had finished though, it was late, so Angel offered to walk both Buffy and Dawn home, whilst Willow and Tara decided to stay at the Magic Box and research with Giles, and Xander and Anya wandered off in the opposite direction towards their apartment for some late-night "cooking".

"So what are we going to do?" Angel continued, awaking Buffy from reliving the past few hours. "I mean, I can get some people from L.A, but it would be better if we had people already here in Sunnydale - as we got some trouble with Wolfram and Hart-"

"Its OK," said Buffy, hurriedly. "I have an idea of who we can ask." She stifled a yawn.

"I'll let you get some rest now," said Angel, and he reached for his large coat. "I got some people to catch up with, anyway. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Sure," answered Buffy, and after much hesitation, Angel leant down to kiss Buffy on the cheek. She flinched slightly, but saw him to the door. After locking up, she headed out of the kitchen, but not into her bedroom. Instead, she took a left into the dining room, and switched on the computer.

Because when it came to the words 'takeover bid' - which was what Coquetta was supposingly trying to do - only one person came to mind. And although it pained her to admit it - she'd rather be sired and then staked - she needed help. A flashback to a certain profile (**Dislikes**: _Breadboxes, people who attempt world domination/apocalypses_) brought reality crashing down onto Buffy's head.

She pulled up her email inbox, and clicked on "Compose". She typed into the address field - and the subject, then began her extremely, painfully awkward letter. After exhaling a lengthy sigh, Buffy began typing.

_To William..._

**_A/N I hope those of you who are giving this fic another chance enjoy this chapter - I made sure there was a jealous-Buffy, and explained more about Spike and Coquetta! If anybody doesn't understand, I'd rather explain either in a PM or another chapter than have you stop reading altogether. Please review!_**

**_Moondancing Millie_**


	6. Enemies

**A/N Thanks for the response to last chapter - the most reviews per chapter I've received yet! Keep it up...**

**Seeing as my beta is MIA, I decided to post without her - sorry, POP! - so you may see a few mistakes - feel free to point them out. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope you work out the cliffie...**

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

"Oh please," snorted Coquetta in disgust. "Please don't tell me you're still thinking about her. She's gone. And she totally believed me and you were together."

"I'm not thinking about her," argued Spike, but there was hesitation in his tone.

Coquetta had managed to get Spike back into his armchair, where she sat astride him like a queen upon her throne. She was running her hands up and down Spike's neck - a habit that was quickly getting on his nerves.

"I've got something to show you," he declared, suddenly, shoving her off his lap in a hurry. "Follow me."

Spike led her into the depths of his crypt, and grabbed a lantern as he descended underground. Coquetta followed curiously, her pixie-like footsteps clattering against the stone. Spike reached the darkest corner, and sank to the floor, setting his lantern beside him.

"Here." he beckoned for Coquetta to join him. "What do you think?"

Before them was a fairly large computer screen; the inner rectangle exceedingly scratched and battered, accompanied by a keyboard and a mouse. Spike looked extremely pleased with himself.

"Its..." Coquetta hesitated. "Something."

The smile of satisfaction quickly disappeared from Spike's face.

"Hey, look," he added, hastily, reaching to turn the computer on. "I'll show you what it can do."

The whir of the computer starting up sounded, and Coquetta jumped to her feet anxiously, backing away until she reached the wall. Spike laughed cruelly.

"What's it doing?" she whispered cautiously.

"Just getting ready to explode," he teased, and Coquetta made a worried 'peep' sound. Spike sighed. "Kidding, pet, don't worry. Bloody hell, its like living with the sodding sack o' hammers again."

That sobered Coquetta up. "Don't you dare compare me to Drusilla," she snarled, dragging Spike to the wall, and pressing her body up against his violently. "I've still got all the laces on my boots, mark my words. I am not insane."

Spike stifled a snigger, and pushed the demon away, who was almost spitting in anger. If you say so, pet," he muttered. "Bloody hell."

The chorus of the main menu rang through the icy silence underground, and Spike rushed to attend to it - anything to escape the fiery glare of his companion. His skinny fingers flew across the keyboard, and he moved the mouse expertly.

"Wow," Coquetta observed frigidly. "You sure know what you're doing. Had a lot of practice?"

"Nah," Spike replied, absent-mindedly, as Coquetta wandered away to examine some of his possesions. "Just with email-"

**PING!**

**You have mail - Message 1 of 1: Buffy Summers - _Help_.**

Spike turned carefully to see that Coquetta was thoroughly distracted before accessing his inbox. A message to 'William' from Buffy. She must have forgiven him for 'standing her up'. Spike laughed to himself as he recalled the past events. If Buffy had only realised then that her date was standing before her...

_To William_, she wrote. I_ know its late, but something's come up_.

_Something extremely... bad has come to Sunnydale. I don't know what kind of Law Enforcement you do, but I can tell you whatever kind you do, this thing is going to affect you, and we need to team up to beat it - put our differences behind... and work together. We need to meet. Dusk, at the Bronze. And be there this time._

_But I need you to remember something. I haven't forgiven you for standing me up the other night. I still HATE you._

_Sweet dreams,_

_Buffy Summers._

Bugger. Dusk, at the Bronze. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

* * *

Buffy had fallen asleep at her computer desk, awaiting a reply, with no such luck. It was morning now, and the harsh sunlight was seeping through the blinds, stinging her eyelids. She groaned, and sat up straight, adjusting the twinge in her neck. 

The clock on her computer told her it was 7:30 am. Oh, crap. Dawn was going to be late for school.

She shuffled upstairs and across the landing, and knocked once on Dawn's bedroom door. It was opened quickly, and a fresh-faced Dawn greeted Buffy with a cheery smile.

"No worries," she said, noticing Buffy's worried expression. "I set my alarm clock. I thought maybe you'd have fallen asleep talking to Angel downstairs or something."

"Uh.. yeah," Buffy replied, uneasily. She figured it was easier letting Dawn come to her own conclusions than to tell her the truth. She'd only babble Dawn-style with a million questions about Buffy's planned tryst with William, anyway. "There was lots to catch up on. Two weeks is a long time."

Dawn nodded slowly, then bent down to kiss her sister on the cheek. "Xander's calling," she said. "I'll see you when I get home from school."

Buffy watched her sister skip past her and downstairs, and waited till she heard the door slam before wandering back to the dining room and the computer. There was still no reply. Damn.

She switched the computer off, and went about pouring herself some orange juice. While taking several small sips, she wondered where Angel was right now...

* * *

"Stupid git," decided Giles. "Only an idiot like Spike would find himself a demonic girlfriend." 

"Here," said Angel, handing him the book Giles had asked him to fetch from the top shelf of the bookcase.

Giles turned to the middle, and began tracing the lines of the text with his fingers, concentrating intensely.

"I could find out what kills a _coqueta_ with my friends back in L.A," Angel told him. "I mean, we're busy, but I could phone Cordelia or Wesley-"

"No, I think I have what I need here," Giles replied. "Just a few hours of research should do it - I can call Tara and Willow to help, too."

"OK then," Angel muttered, feeling unimportant. "Anything I can do to help?"

Giles looked outside the window - the sky turning a pleasant deep lilac as dusk approached. "I don't think so," he answered. "Night's here now - you could catch up with some friends."

Angel smirked. "There was just one I didn't get to visit last night," he said. "I'll be back later, Giles."

"See you later then," Giles murmured, distractedly, focused on reading the text.

Angel slung his leather coat onto his shoulders, and opened the door to face the cool air. He lifted the coat over his face to protect himself from the remaining minutes of sunlight, and followed the well-remembered route to the cemetery - following the snippets of information Buffy had let slip in previous conversation - to the heart of the grounds, searching for his desired destination.

He finally reached the wooden door of a particularly large crypt, and raised a foot to kick it open. Shards of wood were scattered everywhere, and Angel dropped his coat, satisfied it was officially nightime.

"Anybody home?" he called out, and the glamourous form of Coquetta slunk into the doorway.

"Angelus?" she asked in surprise. "I've heard of you. The vampire that went soft."

"I'm here to see Spike," he declared, ignorant of the waves of charisma oozing from Coquetta.

She sighed, and yelled. "William!"

Spike swaggered into sight, holding a bottle of beer between his index finger and his thumb, and leant to kiss Coquetta on the cheek.

"Oh, bloody hell," he moaned at the sight of Angel filling his doorway. "My day just keeps getting better and better."

"Coquetta," Angel said, calmly. "I need to talk to Spike alone."

With a quick '_Whatever_' and a sceptical glance, Coquetta slid back indoors, the oodles of charm quickly being replaced by the temperament of a sulking toddler. Angel was on his own with Spike at last, and had to resist throwing a punch. He was here on business, not pleasure.

"Back to see your honey?" asked Spike with a smug grin. "Did you think you'd get in quick now Captain Cardboard's out of the picture?"

"I'm here for you, Spike," Angel spat, and Spike just laughed.

"Uh, no thanks," he replied, with a chilling cackle. "I'll leave it to Buffy to give you the happies."

Angel pushed Spike against the outside wall of his crypt, and dealt him a punch that left Spike seeing stars for a few minutes.

"You stop playing with the demon now," Angel hissed in his ear. "And nobody will get hurt."

"Fine!" Spike shoved Angel to the floor, and adjusted himself, dropping the beer bottle to the floor with an almighty smash. He looked up at the sky, groaning, but then to turned to Angel with a look of inspiration across his face. "Tell you what, poofter, I'll give you a deal."

Angel got off from the floor, and brushed the grass off his body. "I'm listening," he said.

"I'll ditch the sodding diva inside-" he jerked his head towards the inside of his crypt, and dropped his voice to a whisper. "And you do me a favour tonight." He proceeded fowards, closer to Angel. "But you gotta hurry. You're gonna be late."


	7. Doomed

**A/N Thanks for all those who reviews... I've decided to go beta-less, so my updates should be more common now school's out for summer! Hurrah! **

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Buffy stood, shivering uncontrollably, outside the decrepit building of the Bronze. The light breeze played with a few of her honey-blonde waves, then danced on her shoulders. Buffy gave a shudder. She knew she should have brought a jacket.

She looked up at the sky with a relunctand sigh. She knew it was pessimistic to give up on him yet - dusk rarely lasted a long time, and he could be running late - but she couldn't help thinking: What if he blew her off? Again?

But if he was a no-show this time, that was just selfish. It wasn't just Buffy's pride resting on this gathering this time round. It was the fate of the whole of Sunnydale... hadn't she made that clear enough?

"Well, hello there, Buffy Summers."

Buffy grimaced as she heard the low and masculine tones of her visitor. The deep rumble of the voice sounded familiar, and, with her heart sinking, Buffy was afraid to turn around. This William was somebody she knew, after all? The dating website was meant to be a chance to meet new people! Buffy cursed Tara and Willow once again for their ridiculous suggestion of online dating, then withdrew her outburst. Could witches know they were being cursed?

Buffy shut her eyes tight, and carefully and cautiously turned around to face whoever was behind her, beads of sweat forming on her forehead, pulse quickening, breaths becoming shorter - it was like adolescence all over again... This was way worse than a first date. This was -

"Buffy. Its O.K to open your eyes."

Buffy kept one eyelid shut, and just showed one hazel iris worriedly. Before her, poised valiantly, was the large form she had known - and loved... once. The broad, distinctive shoulders sank with a sigh as she turned to him, and reocgnised him.

She tried to hide the look of hurt on her face, but it proved impossible to do. It was challenge to refrain from bursting into angry sobs, and invoke an attack on her former lover who was stood in front of her looking awkward - the expression he nearly always wore in Buffy's presence these days.

"Buffy..." Angel started, but Buffy interrupted him with indignation.

"How dare you!" she screamed, finally releasing the pent-up fury she had been trying to conceal. "You exit my love life with nothing but a few words of parting-" She swung a punch during this phrase, but Angel ducked expertly. "-and then decide to conveniently creep back in on your terms?" She kicked Angel in the groin, a move that caused Angel to surrender, and fall to the pavement, flinching at every painful syllable of Buffy's speech. Dealing him several more agonising blows, Buffy eventually ended her tirade with a final punch. "Bastard."

"Buffy..." he began again, but Buffy was striding away, every tumultous pace stabbing the sidewalk with her narrow heels. "Buffy!" Angel called again, and Buffy halted, her breaths ragged and raging. She whirled around to face him, but did not allow him the privilege of speech. Angel raised his brow, expecting another shriek from her, but instead, her next words were quieter.

"William?" she asked, calmly, with a hint of humourless laughter.

"Yes," replied Angel, thinking fast. "Its... like Liam - my human name. Liam's the Irish form."

"Oh." Buffy looked at the floor. "I see."

_Curse Spike for sending me on this doomed mission_, mused Angel, fiercely. _He knew this would just complicate matters between Buffy and I. He better have dumped that demon by now..._

_

* * *

_

"OK, let me get this straight. You are throwing me out?"

"Yep," decided Spike, trying desperately to haul Coquetta out of his crypt, but she was adamantly refusing.

"And why the hell are you doing that? We had a deal, William, freshly made just three days ago." Coquetta's voice was getting higher and squeakier.

"Yeah, well I made a promise to someone else," said Spike, firmly, and he again began pushing his companion towards the (heavily taped) door. "Distant cousin... to my... aunt's nephew... twice removed-"

"You know, I think I got it wrong," comtemplated Coquetta, an amused sort of smile playing about her lips. "I think its you that went soft, William, and not Angelus."

"I am not softer than that ponce!" declared Spike.

"Prove it," she hissed. "Let me stay. I'm harmless, William, you know that."

Spike was starting to believe he would have preferred the showdown with Buffy, personally, but it had chosen his path... and his path was driving him up the wall.

"Oh bloody hell," cursed Spike, suddenly. "Don't you get it? I want you out!"

"But William..." she wailed, but Spike cut her off.

"Sod off, sunshine!"

Coquetta trailed out of the crypt, miserably, but when she was out of Spike's sight, she cheered up considerably. Spike was only Plan A. The Slayer had other male friends - others closer to her than Spike was. The vampiric abilities were an obvious bonus - but Coquetta was beginning to doubt them due to several snide comments having been thrown his way casually over the past few days.

Now... who could she go for next? Angelus was too obvious, and who knew how long he would stay? Spike had told her he was a one-off visitor, so he was unpredictable, and his relationship with Buffy was obvious unstable. Coquetta reached the centre of Sunnydale, and morphed into her combat state. A bit of snooping was going to call for her to be in cognito, but that didn't matter. She'd still get her answers, whatever state of matter she was in...

* * *

"So how come you didn't show up the other night?" asked Buffy, as she and Angel proceeded to the Magic Box. There was no point in following Buffy's idea of heading into the Bronze for a fill-in about the _coqueta - _Angel probably knew more than her - so they decided to meet the gang in the Magic Box, and brainstorm. "You, after the whole cryptic message..?" 

_Cryptic message?_ thought Angel, pained. _Bastard. Staking Spike was definitely going to be an option to consider after this ordeal. He hadn't filled me in on any of this standing-up, cryptic-message crap..._

"Uh... I wasn't ready for you to know it was me, yet," he replied slowly, and Buffy looked sceptical. "You know, with our history..."

"You know, I'm sorry for what I called you earlier," said Buffy. "I realise I was wrong. You're a coward, too."

"Sounds like you've been hanging out with Spike too much," muttered Angel, but Buffy ignored him. "I'm really sorry for not letting you know."

Buffy shrugged. "What else would I expect from a man, except lies and decpetion? I guess I shouldn't have been upset."

"You were upset?" Angel echoed. "Oh, Buff, I'm sorry for what he - I - did. I wasn't thinking. I-"

"It was just, you know, teenage insecuries playing an unwelcome cameo," she replied, hastily. "I'm totally over it now. Colour me fine."

"Well..." Angel looked unsure. "OK." He held the door to The Magic Shop open, and Buffy ducked under his arm and inside, running to hug Willow.

"William was a no-show? _Again?"_ Willow whispered in her ear sneakily.

"Oh, no," replied Buffy quietly, and she sat down. _I'll explain later, _she mouthed. Willow nodded.

Angel pulled up a chair beside her, and began listening intently to Giles, obviously trying to avoid conversation with Buffy. It would save him anymore excuses, he decided.

"OK, then," said Giles, clearing his throat noisily, and Xander and Anya immediately ceased bickering. "Um, this... _coqueta_ creature is made of liquid, as I'm sure we've already discussed-"

"Hurry up, Giles," Anya hissed. "Xander and I want to have sex. Now."

"Anya!" Xander cried, mortified, but Anya shrugged, unembarrassed.

Giles took off his glasses, and began cleaning them, naturally, before continuing. "And according to my text, the demon appears to made from a type of liquid that conducts electricity-"

There was a distant crash - and a strange glooping sound - and most of the Scoobies shivelled around to examine the damage that had been caused, but could see nothing. Anya, however, remained calm.

"Its nothing," she said, looking at her nails, and frowning at one. "Its probably just some Guadalupe blubber exploding from its jar in the store room. I'll see to it in a minute."

"Guadalupe blubber?" Willow looked horrified. "Guadalupe seals are rare in California!"

"But their blubber makes an excellent candle," Anya pointed out. Willow looked ready to vomit, and Tara patted her comfortingly on the back.

"I'll try again tomorrow, shall I?" said Giles, looking at his watch, and then at Dawn. "Its getting late-"

Buffy's eyes were drawn to a patch of laminated flooring by the door, which looked like it had a strange sort of silvery rug on it. She blinked, confusedly, and then it was gone. She shook her head. _It must be late_, she thought. _I'm getting tired, obviously._

Coquetta's liquidised form had slid behind a curtain. Regaining her more human-like resemblance, she cursed herself - and the boxes she had knocked over in the opposite corner. She had almost been caught out! She hid herself more carefully, as the Scooby Gang came into view.

"Hey, Buffy," called Xander, across Dawn's head. "I'll be there, 7:30 sharp for Dawn in the morning. Xander-duty, you know..."

Buffy reached across to hug him tight. "Thanks, Harris," she replied, softly. "Its been hard, you know, accquiring Mom duty completely-"

"Don't mention it," he ordered, and he released his friend. Coquetta narrowed her eyes. This Xander... she seemed to trust him...

"But I have to get home with Anya now," he continued. "We're going to play-"

Buffy made a _ahem_ noise, and jerked her head towards Dawn, nervously.

"-Battleships," Xander finished lamely. "We bought a new set, and Anya's really keen to find my destroyer."

"I'll bet she is," Buffy muttered, but nobody heard. The Scoobies filed out, with Giles eagerly showing Anya his new padlock ("Look, this is how you properly lock up, Anya.") and then they departed their several ways.

"Xander Harris," Coquetta mumbled, watching him drape an arm around Anya and whisper something in her ear. "Look out," she continued. "You're next in _my _line of fire."


	8. Surprise

**A/N Thanks for all your review. Keep it up! **

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

"Yeah. This is the life!"

Xander Harris sat slumped in his rather ragged armchair, in front of a blaring TV screen, avidly watching an American football game, absent-mindedly reaching for potato chips to cram into his mouth, and occasionally burping. And to his delight, there was no Anya Jenkins to discourage such behaviour.

He had woken up that morning to a note by his bedside, reading: _"Gone to Magic Box. Problems with Willow and the chicken feet again."_ Xander hadn't worried himself over what the problem could possibly be, and instead had indulged in Man-time, a pastime that could rarely occur now he was in a fully-functioning grown-up relationship (albeit with a child-like ex-demon).

But a night spent mostly playing Battleships with Anya was beginning to take its toll on him, and to his dismay he found his eyelids becoming heavier and harder to keep open, finally letting them droop as the game on the screen came to a close. Soon, he was comfortably asleep, and loud snores not unlike the sound of a foghorn were erupting from his cheese-dust covered mouth.

Waiting outside, however, was Coquetta. This was the situation she had been anticipating all day. Finally, a Xander that was asleep, and easy to sneak up on. Dropping to her liquid form, she slid under the door of Apartment 22, and found herself standing on the soft carpet, feet away from the still snoring Xander.

"Psst..." she crooned, close to his ear, and Xander gave a gentle shudder, but still remained asleep. Coquetta grew impatient, and attempted to stir him again. "Psst! Xander..."

This time, he opened his eyes, and raised his head. "Anya?"

"Even better," replied Coquetta with a sickly simper, beside him. "You have me."

Xander threw himself out of his chair in horror, and leant against the opposite wall to Coquetta, his heart beating quickly. She was so beautiful, so elegant, her skin was even sparkling...

This must be the _coqueta_ that Angel had warned them all about.

He automatically reached for his cell to call Anya for help, but Coquetta had other ideas, and she shook her head, softly, prowling closer to him, seductively.

"Oh no," she said, coming to a stop inches from Xander's terrified yet curious face, and drawing one line down his chest with a slender finger. "I think we'll put that phone down, yes, Xander?"

Xander nodded like a baby, and dropped his phone into her soft, white palm. She broke into a smile, her thin, pink, rosebud lips sneering at her control over the quivering man before her.

"Now," she continued, enjoying the power. "You're going to do exactly what I say." She brought her face closer. "Isn't that right?"

After Xander had bobbed his head obediently, Coquetta offered him the choice of sitting down, which he gladly accepted. She sat astride him - as she had done with Spike - and lowered her voice to a bewitching whisper.

"The Slayer," she said, her cool voice barely touching Xander's hot face. "She's your friend, I've watched you." She seemed to be talking to herself, though she was still more captivating than ever to Xander, and he felt ashamed of his admiration for her. Lost in his own daydream, he barely noticed Coquetta turn her attentions to him before she addressed him sternly. "She's the only thing in my way of ruling this Hellmouth, did you know that?"

Xander nodded, feebly. "She... she tends to get in the way of most dominations."

"Well not for long," said Coquetta draping an arm casually around Xander's neck and pulling his head to her throat. "Because you, sweetie-pie, are going to help me get rid of her."

Xander's gut twinged, though his vision was still clouded by the heavenly allure of the demon sat upon his lap. Of course, he would have to do anything the angel before him asked of him, whoever it hurt. Coquetta was sure to reward him - perhaps with a kiss!

Raising an eyebrow, she asked him, dangerously, "Any questions?"

And though it may be harming his chances of being her faithful companion, one small query burned his consciousness. "Why me?"

But before Coquetta had chance to answer him - or even show him her reaction, the couple froze in the armchair. They had heard the same thing - a key turn in the lock of the door to No. 22.

"Xander!" came Anya's screechy voice, as she came striding into the room. "Xander - oh."

She immediately caught side of Coquetta on Xander in a very compromising position, and her cheeks became very red, eyes gleaming with hurt, despair, and very obviously, anger.

"Xander?" she demanded, as Coquetta clambered off Xander calmly. "Who the hell is she?!"

"C-C-Coquet..." he started to reply, though failed to continue after glimpsing the daggers the seductress behind his girlfriend was throwing him. But it was too later. Anya had heard all she needed to.

"So you're the bitch charming the hell out of the men is this town?" she asked, whirling around to confront Coquetta. "Normally, I'd say this causes for some kind of celebration - Spike was becoming a hell of a pain constantly hanging around Buffy, and my guess is that you're welcome to him - but you are NOT WELCOME TO XANDER!"

Even Coquetta had to admire the fury spitting from Anya's tiny form. Hissing like a firework, and almost smoking like one too, stood the former demon, barely standing her ground, and ready to smack the smug grin on Coquetta's face.

Which, much to Coquetta and Xander's horror, she promptly did, with a cold, hard slap.

The demon shrieked, clutching her face, which was quickly turning redder and redder. "How dare you!" she yelled, now angrier than the ex-demon that had initiated the violence. "Do you have any idea how many centuries it took to get my skin that perfect?"

"Do you have any idea how many centuries I spent as a vengeance demon?" snarled Anya, in reply.

Coquetta dropped her hand from her face. "Of course," she said, thoughtfully. "Anyanka."

"Yes," sneered Anya, deliberately. "And you just made one big mistake, hitting on my man. With 1100 years wreaking vengeance, one or two spells are going to stick with you."

Coquetta laughed, humourlessly. "You're going to curse me?" She tried to look amused, but couldn't hide the look of apprehension on her face.

"Oh yes," replied Anya, a look of satisfaction on her face. "I'm going to curse you good."

* * *

"Another meeting?" moaned Dawn, as her older sister dragged her to the Magic Box. "But we had one last night!" 

"Maybe if we'd all listened, instead of bickering, Giles would have been able to tell us everything yesterday," said Buffy, with an accusing look. Dawn fell silent, and pushed the door to the shop open without another word.

"Is Xander with you?" asked Willow, standing up as soon as she spotted Buffy.

"No..." replied Buffy, slowly. "Why?"

"Well Anya left at lunchtime to go back to Xander and they were going to come back and then-"

"He's just running late," said Tara, offering comfort to Willow, and an explanation to Buffy at the same time. Willow sat back down beside her girlfriend, and squeezed her hand, worriedly.

"Anya gone too?" asked Dawn, sitting the other side of Tara, and helping herself to a cookie from the plate at the centre of the table. "Coz, you know, they bought a new game of Battleships yesterday, maybe they're all tied up in that-"

Buffy cleared her throat loudly, and Tara giggled, nervously.

"We can start without them, I'm sure," said Giles, appearing from out of Buffy's training area, and cleaning his glasses. "We can always tell them again after."

"What about Angel?" asked Willow, and Buffy shook her head, hastily.

"We don't need him anymore," she said, quickly, and Giles raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "I - I just mean that he's told us everything. He's probably gone back to L.A with Cordelia and everybody."

Giles sniffed, not entirely in agreement, but proceeded nonetheless. He cleared his throat, and Dawn stopped chewing to listen.

"As I was saying last night-"

The door to the Magic Box burst open, and through the threshold bounded Spike, hidden beneath a smoking blanket. Buffy rolled her eyes, and got up to close the door behind him.

"Nice of you to drop in," she said, sarcastically.

Spike didn't grin - which would have been his usual response. Instead, he looked worriedly at the Scoobies, counting out loud.

"Four," he said, looking back at Buffy. "Well, five - six, including me, but..." he trailed off, realising he was off-topic. "Where are the other two?"

"We don't know," replied Willow, hurriedly - before anyone could contradict her - and mournfully. "They're meant to be here."

"Why do you care?" asked Buffy, venomously. "Why aren't you with your new girlfriend?"

"Rebound," said Spike, with his usual grin. "And you know that never ends well." He went to walk down to the table to join Dawn, Tara, Willow and Giles, but Buffy pulled him back by his collar, and yanked him back to where he stood.

"She was a demon," snarled Buffy, dangerously. "And you just let her go? Even for you, Spike, that's stupid." And she hit his arm, once, much to Dawn's discomfort.

"Alright, alright!" he cried, rubbing his arm. "I threw her out. The crazy bint was driving me barmy, she was so bloody needy... it was like domination this, Hellmouth that-"

"She wants the Hellmouth?" asked Dawn, which received a lot of pitying looks from the surrounding Scoobies. "Oh, right. Duh."

"So you just threw her out," said Buffy, conseervationally, trying to control her irritation. "A _coqueta_ demon, and you just threw her out in the street."

"Well techincally I threw her out into the cemetery," corrected Spike, and he had to duck from another swipe from Buffy. "But, yes. I wasn't thinking, alright? I was too busy thinking about Angel and you... you know, ex-honeys, and all that."

Buffy ignored him, and Spike looked relieved that she hadn't picked up on what he had really meant. Her quick dismissal obviously meant the meeting had not gone well. This cheered Spike up considerably.

"So we have an extremely ambitious demon on the run," concluded Tara. "And two of our friends are missing. I'm adding two and two together here, anyone else?"

Buffy had barely sat down before she was out of her chair, and running to the door, collecting her jacket as sh went. Spike followed her, leaving Giles - yet again - unheard.

"Fine," he said, as the door slammed shut. "I'll just try again, tomorrow, shall I?"

* * *

"Oh please, Anyanka, you think this is going to be settled by a couple of warts?" Coquetta tried to laugh off her fate, but her voice was still shaky. 

"It depends on where I put them," replied Anya, while Xander became whiter and whiter in the corner.

"Are you sure there's nothing that won't stop you wasting your magic?" questioned Coquetta, trying to strike up a bargain. "I have an Orb of Thesulah here... they make excellent paperweights..."

"Seriously overrated," said Anya, uninterested. "Unless, of course, you have a souless vamp that you need to re-ensoul... anyway - Ssh! I'm trying to think!"

"A... a secret, then?" the demon persevered. "I could tell you anything about anyone - The Immortal? He's a hoot and a half - or... Or I could tell you something very interesting about William the Bloody."

"Spike?" asked Xander, in a wobbly voice.

"That's the one," confirmed Coquetta.

"We already know he's in love with the Slayer," retorted Anya, firmly. "And indulged in the laughs that brought. Try again."

"Well," said Coquetta, wracking her memory for something worth her well-being. "Before he threw me out, I searched his computer-"

"Spike threw you out?" Xander echoed in wonder.

"Spike has a computer?" Anya repeated.

"Just about" the demon replied. "But what I found was most interesting. Of course, it took me hours to find it - I've never been one to keep in touch with technology - but I came across emails, and an account online."

"Go on," urged Anya, still following lines of text from a book labelled _'Mischievous Magick'_ with her finger.

"An account at **Match . com **under the name William," Coquetta continued. "And a number of emails from the Slayer, and Instant Message history to her!"

"Spike's been IMing Buffy?" asked Xander, confusedly. "Is this Bizarro World?"

But before Anya could decide on whether this secret was juicy enough to spare the demon, the door to No. 22 was kicked in, and Buffy Summers - who else? - appeared in the doorway.

"Nobody seduces my best friend and gets away with it," she said.


	9. Bring On the Night

**A/N Thanks to those who reviewed. I hope this chapter is O.K - not too rushed, or OOC...**

**Review, and let me know.**

**Somebody **_("Confused") _**asked me about the title, and I've now realised it has three meanings! Take it in anyway you want, like as in love bites (as in, a hickey), love bites (as in love sucks!) or love bytes (computer bytes). That was very clever, **_Confused._

**Credit for "Cockroach" goes to PaddyWaddy.**

* * *

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Spoiling slighty the image that Buffy had tried to achieve, was Spike, who came bounding in behind her.

"Ah, Spike," said Coquetta, smoothly, looking out of the window. "I hadn't realised it was night-time already."

"Yeah," grunted Spike, triumphantly. He had abandoned his smouldering blanket just minutes after leaving the Magic Box, when it had become night-time.

Buffy, ignoring the conversation between the two, instead strode into Xander and Anya's apartment, heading straight for the demon.

"Listen, Cockroach," she spat. "I don't care what you do to Spike-" The vampire flinched. "Or any human man, for that matter," she concluded, and Coquetta looked confused. "But you don't do it in my town. Got it?"

"You think you can finish me with a couple of words?" Coquetta asked, a dark smile playing on her lips. "That's charming, Slayer, it really is. But you know what?" She caught Buffy's punch in her hand, calmly. "I don't think you have what it takes to take me on. You're too busy leaving it to low-lives like Spike here-" She gestured towards him. "And Little Miss Ex-Demon to clean up. Are you ever going to fight me yourself, Buffy?"

Buffy only answered with a jump-kick straight to Coquetta's throat - and even Coquetta had to marvel her skill, and how high Buffy had been in the air. Buffy landed, smugly, and pushed the demon against the wall with her foot to Coquetta's neck before she could retaliate.

"Buffy, no!" cried Xander, but Spike was there in a matter of seconds, restraining him. He had to be careful not to hurt him - a giant migraine was the last thing they needed.

"Wait," said Anya, thoughtfully. "Spike's a man - sort of."

"Hey," interrupted Spike defensively.

"Well, you know what I mean. If he's a man, why aren't you affected by Coquetta's charms?"

"I know its hard to forget and that," said Spike, firmly. "But I am still a nasty vampire. Big bad nasties like me are immune!"

Buffy's expression fell. "So you really were going out with this thing out of choice?" she asked, trying to mask her disdain.

But Buffy's temporary lack of concentration had meant Coquetta could wriggle free out of her grasp, and she slid to liquid immediately, conquering the floor, and tripping up the Slayer. Buffy landed on her back with a thud.

"Buffy!" cried Spike, and he ran to his beloved, who had jumped back to her feet at once.

"There!" she yelled, and pointed the silvery mass snaking across the laminate floorboards. "Contain it!"

Anya hurried Xander into the bedroom, where she locked him in - with immediate protest from Xander - and grabbed a jar from the kitchen counter.

"Do you really think that will hold it?" asked Buffy, but Spike was on the floor at once, trying to scoop the enemy into the jam jar, and holding up the result, delighted.

"Right, that'll do till we get hold o' Giles, eh-"

But the jar burst open, and shards of glass flew everywhere, piercing Buffy's face, and most of Anya's midriff. Coquetta resumed her human form at once, almost pitying the three who had tried to stop her.

"Such a pity," she simpered, with a patronizing tone. "And I though the Slayer had brains. Turns out its just brawn, though, such a pity-"

Even though the pieces of glass were starting to hurt, Buffy still had enough strength and hatred in her to pin the demon against the wall as she laughed mirthlessly.

"You're not a very good demon, are you?" Buffy asked, and accompanied the question with a cold slap. The chuckling monster sobered up immediately. "When are you gonna learn to shut up and start fighting?"

Coquetta answered with a sharp blow to Buffy's head, and stepped away from her as she came crashing down to the floor.

"Hey!" yelled Spike, and he immediately rushed to her side.

"No!" cried Buffy. "Get her!"

Spike heeded, spinning around to deal a heavy kick to Coquetta's waist, and watched in delight as she fell to the floor. Lifting the demon up by one wrist, he began punching her already bruised and blemished face, every blow accompanied by an insult. "Sodding - diva - power - hungry - ponce-"

Buffy was back on her feet, admiring for a few seconds as she dusted herself off the way Spike held Coquetta like a helpless marionette, the limp body now just dangling from one arm, face contorted in pain. The vampire dropped his ex-ally and left her, curled up in a heap, for Buffy to deal with.

"I'm...still...not...dead," argued Coquetta, though her form was beginning to convince Buffy otherwise. The once flawless and beautiful demon now lay sprawled out on Xander's floor cut and beaten, and her silk-like voice had been reduced to a harsh croak. Her attractive golden curls were stuck to her flushed forehead by the sticky red blood oozing from a crack on her hairline, the careful hairdo now pathetically lingering in a barely wavy mass. Her long, slender fingers were curled around her head, and nearly every perfect nail was chipped, or gone completely.

With an impressive squelch, Coquetta slowly reformed as silver sap. Buffy recognised the noise at once.

"It wasn't seal blubber last night!" she cried, directing her voice at Anya. "It was her!"

"Which is how she knew Xander was friends with you," replied Anya. "She probably followed us home, and so she knew where to come the next day."

"But why go for Xander?" asked Buffy, confusedly. "Why not just go straight to the Mayor?" She looked at Spike. "Why did she even bother with you?"

"She wanted to get to you, get inside your head," said Spike, solemnly. "So she tried me first - unaware that for one - you think I'm a waste of space, and wouldn't be caught dead alone with me, and two - that's I'm...you know." He gulped. "Neutered."

"I don't think you're a waste of space," was all Buffy said in reply, and Spike raised his head from where he had been pointlessly staring at the floor.

"We'd better finish her off," added Anya, clearing her throat noisily, and breaking Spike and Buffy's eye contact. She reached for a lilac lamp that had been sitting at the centre of the dining table, and threw it into the pool of goo.

"What are you-" Buffy began, but Anya gestured for her to be quiet, and the trio listened intently to the metal puddle as it fizzled and hissed. Buffy covered her eyes as it burned charcoal black, then solidified, welded to the pieces of smashed lamp, and to the floor.

"How did you know that?" asked Buffy, as Anya brushed her hands, pleased with herself.

"Giles," she replied, simply. "Didn't he say that the liquid Coquetta could become conducted electricity?"

Minutes of silence passed, until Xander's voice echoed from the bedroom into the kitchen, and made Spike and Anya jump.

"Um, hello? Has the evil gone? I'm still kinda locked in this bedroom!"

"Oh!" cried Anya, and she rushed to unlock him, whilst Buffy and Spike just stared at each other.

"Thanks for coming with me," Buffy said, lamely.

"No problem," grunted Spike, graciously, now avoiding the Slayer's eye. "Wanted to see her finished off. And it's better than babysitting Little Bit."

Buffy made a non-commital noise, and was glad when Xander emerged from the bedroom. She ran to hug him, and then mock-punched his arm. He still winced.

"Idiot," she said. "Typical man, falling victim to a beautiful girl."

Xander tried, to argue, but was instead met by an anxious Anya, who threw her arms around his neck and placed a big kiss on his cheek with a smacking sound. "Alexander LaVelle Harris, if you cheat on me again it'll be you with the warts on your-"

"Wanna go home?" Spike asked Buffy, as she came wandering away from the bickering, reconciled couple. She nodded, meekly, and Spike kicked aside the broken down door, and offering to help Buffy over the rubble, which she of course declined.

"I may be bruised and battered," she said. "But I can still raise my leg a few inches above the ground."

Buffy was glad of the cool air on her dented face, and she began to pick the larger pieces of glass out of her skin, relieved at the minimal amount of blood loss. She continued to wrench the glass out, until Spike spotted what she was doing.

"Hey!" he sat, and he slapped her hand away from her face. "Don't do that! You need antibacterial stuff, and bandages and plasters, I saw it on General Hospital-"

Buffy couldn't hold back a smirk.

"Well when you're limited to the nightime," he defended. "You'll find TV re-runs are the best solutions for boredom."

He sat Buffy down on a bench. They were now in the cemetery, not far from Spike's crypt. "You wanna come into my crypt, I'll see what I can find-?"

Buffy shook her head, and reached up to her cheek again.

"No!" Spike scolded, and he caught her hand in his, putting it back on her lap. "Don't..."

Buffy looked down at the hand held in Spike's, and realised it felt odd. Not necessarily bad, but her fingers and her palm were tingling slightly. She looked back up to Spike's face, trying to ignore the strange feeling.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come into my crypt? Its not far, you know that, and we could get that big chunk there out-" He reached up and pressed Buffy's cheek gently, though she still winced. "Oh, hey, I'm sorry."

He still had her chin in one hand, and her fingers in another. It was the perfect moment, he felt, it was just right for the big finale...

He leaned in closer to Buffy's face, eyes glued to her lips. Nearer, nearer...

Buffy wrenched her hand and face away, horrified, and jumped to her feet.

"Buffy, wait!" cried Spike, and she began running back the way they had came through the cemetery. "Buff, wait!"

But Buffy kept running, heart in her mouth, fingers no longer humming. Her feet kept pounding the hard ground of the cemetery, and soon she was out of the gate and gone.


	10. Lies My Vampire Told Me

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Buffy knelt, legs akimbo, and shoulders squared as she faced her enemy. This was her fighting stance - she was ready to pounce, kick it's ass, show it who's boss. The monster met its predator with a white, sparkling jaw, and Buffy gripped her weapon in horror - a long, white stick with a brustle on the end - as she prepared to fight.

Any minute now.

"Buffy? Have you finished cleaning the bathroom yet?"

Buffy frowned at Willow's call. "No," she grumbled. "The thing is looking at me funny."

The bathroom door was pushed open by Dawn, who stuck her head in and burst out laughing. "Buffy!" she cried. "You haven't even touched the toilet yet!"

Buffy threw the toilet brush aside and huffed. "This was always Mom's territory," she said. "No wonder she only did it once a month. Its horrible! I'd take Slaying anyday opposed to this."

"Yeah, well Dr Davies said you can't stress yourself out too much, or take part in any exercise for a few days," ordered Dawn, sternly. "I think Slaying counts as stress and exercise, don't you?"

"I don't see why I can't do that stuff," moaned Buffy. "I mean, its only a few scratches on my face. They'll clear up."

"You forget she doesn't know about your super-fast special healing," replied Dawn. "And its not just the scratches. You know she almost passed out when she checked out those bruises and cuts all over your body."

"I can't believe you made me go to the doctor," her sister complained. "I mean, it was just a few cuts from a burst jar."

"That needed anti-septic," added Dawn. "Spike told me."

The name of the vampire jolted Buffy back to life, and she stood up sharply from where she had been kneeling on the tiles. "You do the bathroom," she demanded rudely of her sister. "I give up." She passed Dawn hurriedly, and ran downstairs to the front door, grabbing her wool blend coat from the stand as she went.

"And where do you think you're going?" came a challenging voice behind her. She turned around sheepishly to see Willow stood before her, arms crossed and a sceptical look on her face.

"Out for a walk?" Buffy attempted, but Willow shook her head.

"A likely story," she replied, and she took Buffy's coat from her, easily, and pointing to the sofa. "Sit," she ordered. "We need to apply your ointment. And Anya's in the kitchen, baking you cookies." She lowered her voice. "I don't know what's got into her recently. You know, all save-the-world-y, and now with the cooking?"

Buffy snorted, and Willow glared. She threw herself onto the cushions, and exhaled heavily again.

"I don't like it," she wailed. "Being treated like the patient. I mean, ointment." Willow pressed the tube, gently, and applied a layer to Buffy's purple scars.

"They're healing up," she said. "I think they'll be gone by next week." Her expression turned sour. "No fair," she continued. "'Coz you can bet your bottom dollar that if I had wounds like this, they'd take a hell of a lot longer to heal up."

"Yeah, well, all in all I don't recommend the Slayer package," replied Buffy, as Willow finished helping her with her ointment. "Special powers are fine, but I don't like the vampire sexual harrassment that comes free."

Willow's jaw dropped. "Angel?" she asked. "But I thought he went back to L.A!"

Buffy shook her head. "No, it wasn't Angel. He left the day before yesterday." Anya came bustling in, with a plate full of hot, steaming - and slightly burnt - cookies, accompanied by a satisfied smile.

"Spike?" Willow tried again, taking a cookie from the plate. Anya took a seat besides Buffy, still in her apron. "He kissed you?"

"Tried to," corrected Buffy. "I escaped before anything happened."

"Poor Buffy," Willow replied, as Dawn came traipsing down the stairs.

"Hey," she said. "What are we talking about down here?"

"My non-existant love life," Buffy answered gloomily.

Dawn pouted uneasily. Buffy's love life was never exactly the smoothest of all topics. "But what about Mystery Man?" she asked. "Whatever happened to him?"

"It turned out to be Angel all along," Buffy responded, and Anya and Dawn both cried out "No!" simultaenously, Anya with a look of confusion, and Dawn a look of disbelief.

Both Willow and Buffy turned to stare at Anya, who looked as if she was ready to burst. The Summers sisters and Willow backed away a few inches, cautiously.

"What's up with you?" questioned Dawn. "You look as if there's been some kind of explosion in your mouth."

"Its not Angel!" Anya cried, and she clapsed a hand over her mouth in shock. Buffy's eyes widened.

"What are you on about?" she asked Anya. "He told me. He met me at the Bronze. William is the Irish form of Liam - his human name!"

Anya shook her head determinedly, still with her kunckles in her mouth, attempting to block any speech. Willow reached fowards, and took - with much effort - Anya's hand from her mouth. "She told me," she whispered. "The demon - Coquetta. When I was threatening her with vengeance spells. She asked me if I wanted anything, she was trying to tempt me to release her. She offered me an Orb of Thessulah-"

"Ooh! They make great paper weights!" exclaimed Dawn, who had been too young to understand what Willow had really used one for. Buffy and Willow shushed her, and she sank back, with a sulky expression on her face.

"-and then she tried to tell me secrets of all the... things she'd worked with," Anya continued. "She mentioned The Immortal - a really evil yucky guy - and then she mentioned Spike."

"Spike?" Buffy pulled a face. "What does Spike have to do with anything?"

"Sssh!"

"Sorry..."

"Well it turns out that Spike has a computer," said Anya. "Coquetta was quick to point out it was really broken and battered - Spike probably pulled it out of a dumpster like some kind of tramp, and how can you even get electricity in a crypt? How could he get a TV working in there, that's what I want to know-"

"Anya!"

"Sorry, off topic." Anya looked bashful. "Anyway, the demon told me and Xander that she went raiding it - I don't when she did it, but she obviously found the time, because she pulled up some really juicy stuff. She found an online dating account, emails to Buffy, and IM history!"

"_Spike_ is _William_?" gasped Buffy, Willow, and Dawn at the same time.

"William the Bloody, no less," concluded Anya, looking pleased. "He probably convinced Angel to pose as William that night, Buff."

"Why would Angel do it?" asked Willow. "I mean, doesn't he hate Spike?"

"They might have made a deal," said Anya, thoughtfully. "She said that Spike had tried to throw Coquetta out. Maybe that was his end of the bargain. God, its hard being wisdomous!"

"Wise," corrected Willow, with a grin, but her contribution was drowned by Buffy's proclaimation.

"I have to go and find Spike!"

All heads turned in Buffy's direction. "After he tried to kiss you?" Willow reminded her.

"Spike tried to kiss Buffy?" Everybody ignored Dawn.

"I owe him an apology," admitted Buffy. "And he owes me one hell of an explanation!"

"Then go," urged Anya. "Go!"

Buffy snatched her wool blend coat from Willow's grasp, and threw open the front door. "No slaying!" Willow yelled after her, and Buffy grinned as she ran into the cold night, hurriedly thinking of a million things to say to Spike when she eventually reached him.

**A/N No flames, please!**


	11. Storyteller

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Spike liked to think he used to be a simple vampire. Just blood and smokes were his game - that was the unlife for him. Of course, there was the occasional boink from Drusilla, and the odd occasion where his instincts took over and he just had to terrorize the little children, but overall there were just the two before-mentioned factors: blood and nicotine. Fabulous.

_But then, the bloody Nazi-types took me away and dug a hole in my skull_, thought Spike, furiously. _And I couldn't even point a sodding toy gun at someone. Poofters._

Of course, love turned Spike soft too, as much as he hated to admit it. It had been fine when his desire had been for Drusilla - who had happily reciprocated, but unrequited love really turned a guy pathetic.

And the dating website had just made everything worse. It hadn't even been Spike's idea in the first place - he would have happily avoided the complications of online romance. But no, his friends had other ideas.

_Carrying a paper bag full of all the groceries a vamp could ever need, came Spike, swaggering cheerfully, whistling an old tune (to be specific, "Its a Long Way to Tipperary"). Unrequited love was particularly tiresome, it was true, but the daydreams did make up for it. Daydreams were as close as Spike knew he was ever going to get to Buffy._

_He pushed open the door to his homey crypt after a leisurely walk into town. It had been nice just relishing his thoughts (however shallow they were) and smoking as many cigarettes as he liked (he felt impolite when he indulged in front of Buffy and Red)._

_Expecting a nice quiet, atmosphere, Spike was severely disappointed to find an old friend sitting in his favourite (and only) armchair, scoffing Cheetos, and laughing at the made-for-TV movie blaring from the TV set. Spike recognised that skin condition anywhere. It was Clem._

_"Hi!" cried Clem, animatedly. "You know, Spike, I drop in for a nice chat with my old buddy, and what do I find? Nobody. You were out!" He stretched his legs with a yawn, and then curled himself into a ball in the armchair. "The chair's nice, though."_

_Spike scowled. "Oh yeah," he said sarcastically. "Make yourself at home." Clem grinned._

_"I will." The silence that followed haunted Clem, and he felt the need to speak again. "So, er, how are you, Spike?"_

_Spike grunted half-heartedly, and Clem frowned concernedly. Spike's happy mood seemed to trickle away quite quickly after coming home._

_"Girl trouble?" Clem offered cautiously, getting out of the chair, and coming to sniff around the groceries Spike had brought home. "'Coz, my brother-in-law went on this website, and now he's married to my sister." Clem stopped, thoughtfully. "Its called Match . com."_

_Spike snorted. "Uh, thanks, Clem, but I'll think I'll give Match . com a miss." He emptied his paper bag onto the seat of the armchair. "Bollocks! I forgot the beer!"_

_"Beer?" asked Clem, hopefully._

_Spike shook his head in frustration. "I'll go and get some," he said, and looked at Clem. "And uh... you, you can guard the nest. He threw Clem the remote. "In case you fed up of Goldie Hawn," he said._

_So he went plodding through the cemetery again, and grudgingly paid for his beer (gone were the days were he could scare the shopkeepers into giving it to him free) and returned back to his crypt - and to his regret - Clem._

_"'Lo, Clem," he muttered, laying the four-pack on the floor beside the TV, before realising Clem was not in the armchair. "Clem?"_

_"Down here!" called Clem in response, and Spike followed the yelp down to the sub-level of the crypt, where Clem was poured over the computer Spike had found the previous day in the dumpster._

_"This is great!" exclaimed Clem, as he blew up an alien excitedly on the video game he had downloaded. "I was just nosing-" Spike noticed there was no shame in his tone. "- and I found your computer! This will definitely make poker night more fun..."_

_"Clem." Spike tried to speak calmly. "Get off my computer. Now."_

_"Oh, OK," sniffed Clem, sadly. "But you should know I put email on here for you, and I did a few drawings in Paint... and I made you an account on Match . com. You're "William", 'coz I thought it sounded cooler than Spike - you would have got all sorts of weirdos matched up with you - but I didn't know if you ever had a surname back then, so you are William Disclosed - kinda has a ring to it, doesn't it, I mean-"_

_"Clem!"_

_Clem froze. "What?"_

_"You put me on a dating website? Are you insane? What kind of a nutjob would want to date a bloody vampire, you complete and utter twerp-"_

_**MATCH!**_

_The ping interrupted Spike and Clem's arguement._

**Name**_: BUFFY SUMMERS_

**Age:** _21_

**Area of Work:** _Law Enforcement_

**Likes:** _Dancing, drinking (safe) beer, cheesy ice-skating movies_

**Dislikes**_: James Bond, Spiderman, Jackie Chan - people who like to "fight crime"_

_It also included her IM address._

_"Um, that kind of nutjob?" finished Clem, staring, like Spike, in awe at the computer screen._

_**YOUR MATCH HAS LOGGED ON!**_

_"Oh, crap," said Spike._

Spike scowled at the memory as he took another swig of his beer. Stupid Clem. It was his fault that "William" had met Buffy, and the internet relationship - if you could call it that - had begun. And now Buffy thought that it had been Angel, and all hope was lost completely.

At that moment, the wooden door - still roughly sellotaped together after Buffy's past intrusion - burst open, and again scattered into tiny pieces. Spike groaned as he heard each piece hit the floor.

"Oh bloody hell," he cried aloud, and he turned to face the intruder. "Do you have any idea how long it took to- Buffy? That you?"

"You bet your lying, undead ass its me," replied Buffy, with a blazing look. "And you have got a whole lot of explaining to do."

"Wait," said Spike, defensively - even holding up both hands. "Before you say anything, it was Clem - you haven't met him yet, but he's a right pain in the -"

"You were William, all along!" accused Buffy, angrily. "And you never told me! You even stood me up!"

"I never stood you up," declared Spike. "I was there, remember?"

Buffy ignored this. "Sit down," she demanded. "Sit down, and tell me everything, right from the very start. Got it?"

Spike sat down obediently.

"Well," he began, but he paused. "I'd think you'd better be the one to sit down. This could take a while."

**Ha ha, another cliffie! And I won't continue until I see some reviews!**


	12. I Only Have Eyes For You

**A/N Sorry for "review or cliffhanger" as chemicalgirl31 put it. But I was so overwhelmed by the response to last chapter! 17 reviews and counting - wow! Please keep reading and reviewing, it means so much. This chapter is for you Spuffy shippers. Enjoy.**

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Once Spike had finished his tale, Buffy was suddenly glad of the armchair beneath her. She felt sure that if it hadn't have been there, she would have definitely collapsed onto the cold, stone floor.

"Buffy, love?" asked Spike, waving a hand in front of her face, and raising his voice. "Buff? Anyone home?"

Buffy frowned, and shook herself back to consciousness. "Yeah, I'm here," she said. "Its just... its so strange to think of you as William, you know?"

Spike's expression fell. "Yeah, I know its no secret that you wanted Angel to be him, after all."

Buffy scowled. "Oh please," she replied. "I was disappointed when I thought it was Angel. The jerk had broken my heart so many times - it was because of him and Riley that Willow and Tara signed me up. So I could meet somebody new."

"Guess that went out the window," said Spike, good-naturedly. "I mean, you already knew me."

Buffy didn't reply. Instead, she sat in the armchair, deep in thought. Spike thought it better to leave her there to ponder. The silence was a relief. At least she wasn't pounding him. Yet.

Eventually, though, Spike spoke up. "So, how did you find out?"

"Anya," Buffy replied, simply. "Though she found out from Coquetta, apparently. It took ages to get the whole story from her, she kept wandering off-topic..."

"How did Coquetta find out?" asked Spike, angrily. "I made sure she wasn't about when I opened that email!"

"Apparently, she went a'rummaging," she said, eyes still fixed on the same spot of stone flooring she had been staring at since Spike had finished talking. "Found your account details. Emails, IM history."

Buffy could see out of the corner of her eye that Spike was becoming more and more embarrassed. She knew it was impossible for a vampire to blush - but if Spike could have, he would be definitely be crimson by now.

"Listen, Buff," he replied, kneeling beside her. Buffy finally made eye contact with him, though her hard glare was making him uncomfortable. "I didn't mean for it to end up this way. I didn't even want this stupid email account. I didn't want to confuse you. I love you."

Those last three words hit Buffy like a brick. She had known it, and heard it before, yet this time, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. This time, her pulse began to hasten. This time... this time it was different.

She raised an arm to punch Spike to the floor. He fell, without protest, though he cupped both hands around his nose and groaned.

"I guess I deserve that," he said, not sitting up, and instead lying flat on his back. "Though, next time, can you go for someplace else? My nose is starting to hurt now even when you're not punching it."

Buffy stood up, and aimed a kick at his groin, which resulted in Spike yelping out in pain, and rolling over onto his front. "Not quite what I had in mind," he murmured, his forehead resting against the cool stone. Buffy dropped to a crouch next to him.

"Do you have any idea what my love life has been like, since I was sixteen?" she asked, softly, and each gentle word sliced through Spike like a knife. He lay silent. "No? I'll tell you. When I was sixteen, I was dragged from my social activities to be told that I was the Slayer, and my job was to kill the fanged, bitey vamps. As in, bye-bye social life. If that wasn't bad enough, I then met Angel, here in Sunnydale - who, somewhere along the line forgot to mention to me that he was vampire, who had a little problem of reverting back to his former, evil "I want to take over the world" self."

"Wanker," said Spike, triumphantly.

The corners of Buffy's mouth twitched.

Spike made a motion to sit up, but Buffy threw him down again with one, strong hand, and he hit the floor with a thump. "I'm not finished," retorted Buffy, sharply. Spike made a noise somewhere between a groan and a sound of agreement, which Buffy ignored, and instead continued with her narrative.

"O.K, so by some miracle, we put evil boyfriend right. Unfortunately, relationship is now in tatters, so formerly-evil vampire boyfriend leaves town. I go to college, where I am seduced by a-"

"Wanker?" Spike offered. Buffy ignored him.

"And then there was Riley," she sighed.

"Oh yes, darling Riley," muttered Spike, though incoherently, so Buffy could not hear.

"Riley, the government's secret weapon and psychology genius. Boyfriend for a year, before he then leaves me - on a helicopter, might I add - to go back to his beloved goverment, who, if I'm not mistaken, secretly fed him drugs for a year." Buffy finished, finally satisfied. "Are you getting the picture?"

Spike sat up, this time without Buffy's protests. "Yes," he said, softly. "I get it, you've been hurt. And I know, I'm not exactly the stereotypical Mr Darcy or whatnot. But I love you, and I care for you." Buffy softened. "You're all I can bloody see - I can't get through a night without dreaming of you. You're never, ever going to go away, Buff."

"What about Drusilla?" Buffy asked. "You felt the same about her, once. And then what - are you going to stake me to prove your love for your next infatuation?"

Spike frowned. "No!" he cried. "I never felt this way about Drusilla. It was too bloody confusing with her about. She's off her bloody rocker." Buffy laughed. "But you. You're sane - you know what you want. You slay, every night. You're dedicated, and you're passionate." Spike looked into Buffy's hazel eyes. "And you're beautiful."

* * *

"How long has it been?" Dawn asked Willow, scrambling for her watch. 

"An hour and four minutes," replied Willow, and Anya bit her lip.

"That long?" she said, and Willow nodded. "I wonder what's going on."

"They're probably arguing," said Dawn, sadly. "That's all they ever do."

"Either arguing, or Buffy's kicking the crap out of him," retorted Willow. "She was pretty upset."

"Don't you think they'd make a great couple, though?" implored Anya. "Both so feisty, and good-looking. Buffy-and-Spike. Spike-and-Buffy. Bike. Spuffy!"

Dawn giggled, but caught Willow's eye and stopped, still attempting to stifle the hisses. Willow spoke up, concernedly. "Buffy's been with a vamp before," she said. "And she got really badly hurt. I don't think she's over it, even now. Not even ice-cream fixed it."

"But Spike hasn't got a soul to suddenly vanish everytime he does the dirty," pointed out Anya, and both her and Willow suddenly looked at Dawn. Dawn sighed.

"Puh-lease!" she cried, with her hands on her hips. "I'm fourteen, not four. I think I can handle the concept of my older sister having sex. Even if it creeps me out just a little."

"O.K." Willow and Anya looked bored, suddenly. "I wish she'd come home soon, though," added Willow, worriedly. "I mean, anything could happen to her with Spike."

"You mean there's a possibility they could fall madly and passionately in love?" asked Anya, hopefully. Dawn laughed again, and Willow glared. Anya frowned. "Oh please!" she cried. "Let me dream! Xander's not around to have sex with, and I'm totally bored!"

"Anya!" yelled Willow, with a jerk of the head towards Dawn, which Dawn spotted immediately.

"Oh, come on!" she exclaimed. "I'm fourteen!"

* * *

"Wow," replied Buffy, softly. "That's so... nice." 

"Well that reply was so... lame," teased Spike, and he got to his feet. "But its true."

He pulled Buffy up too, so they were standing toe-to-toe. "Well," whispered Buffy. "I'm no longer mad at you."

"Good," answered Spike, just as gently. "So what happens now?"

"I think it's time to add a new chapter to my love life," said Buffy, and she grinned. Spike, however, looked taken aback.

"W-what?" he asked. "W-with who?"

Buffy laughed. "With you, stupid!" she cried, and she leaned in for a kiss. Spike pulled away, to Buffy's surprise, and looked confused.

"But Buff," he said, carefully. "I'm a vampire. You do remember what vamps do, yeah? They get with the biting and the drinking blood and the 'Rawwh!'." He raised both arms and growled to demonstrate. Buffy pulled his arm down and put her arm around his neck.

"Yes, I remember," she replied. "But I think I can live with that."

Spike was so utterly surprised that he didn't even realise that Buffy's lips were on his until the kiss had lasted a couple of seconds. But by that time, he had come back down to earth, and was happily and enthusiastically reciprocating.


	13. Consequences

**A/N I still can't believe the response these last two chapters have got. I should have put Spike and Buffy together sooner! Please keep it up, it makes my day.**

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

"OK, let's make a bet," declared Anya, suddenly, and she pulled an enormous wad of money out of her back pocket and began rifling through the notes, aware of Willow and Dawn gazing in awe. "Fifty bucks says Buffy and Spike come back here a couple."

"Seventy-five says they're not!" cried Willow, excitedly. Dawn eyed her with the same glare Willow had been employing only minutes before.

"Fine," decided Anya, laying seventy-five dollars down on the coffee table. "But if you're wrong, I get your money, I saw it on TV."

"That's generally how betting works," remarked Dawn, and Willow laughed.

"Psshft!" said Anya, waving her arms about uncontrollably. "I still get your money, yes?"

"Yes!" cried Willow and Dawn simultaenously. Willow looked at her watch. "Oh my God!" she hissed. "Its half-past three, and I have class tomorrow. Dawn, you'd better get to sleep, you have school too."

"If I have to sleep, you have to sleep too," replied Dawn, firmly.

"But what about the money?" squealed Anya. "I want my money!"

"We'll listen out for Buffy," Willow told Anya. "But I think we'd better get to sleep. I'll stay here with Dawn, and An, you can go back home to Xander."

"I'm not leaving here without my money," she insisted, and Willow sighed, surrendering.

"Fine," replied Willow. "Dawn, we'll take your mom's bed, and Anya can take Dawn's bed. I don't fancy a night alone with the crazy money-hugger," Willow added in an undertone to Dawn, which was followed by a giggle.

"OK then," said Anya. "I'll see you and my money in the morning."

"No, I'll see _you_ and _my_ money in the morning," retorted Willow. The three exhaled, furiously, and both bedroom doors shut with a _clunk_.

* * *

"Ssh!" urged Buffy, drunkenly, as both she and Spike fell through her front door an hour later. "You'll wake up D...d..." 

"You mean Dawn?" Spike corrected loudly, and the pair fell into a fit of giggles on the carpet. Buffy nodded. "Uh huh," she hissed. "That's what I said."

"What am I doing here again?" asked Spike, attempting to stand up again, and having to hold onto to the stair rail. "I kind of just followed you here."

"Sleeping over," replied Buffy. "That's what boyfriends do." She burst into another round of laughter, and then hiccupped loudly. "I'm drunk," she declared, dragging herself to the bottom step and sitting upon it, miserably.

"Don't be sad, Goldilocks," said Spike, suddenly, and he reached up and scooped Buffy up like she weighed nothing. "Now... oh, bloody hell, how am I going to get you up the stairs?"

"You're a vampire!" cried Buffy, and Spike ssh-ed her urgently. "Don't you have, like, superpowers?"

"Yeah, but I'm a drunk vampire," he replied, with a wobbly nod of the head. Spike frowned. "I feel dizzy."

"Well put me down then!" she hissed, and he dropped her immediately, causing a loud crash on the stairs, and another bout of sniggering ensued. The pair crawled up the stairs, side-by-side, and reached the top... and a very annoyed Willow.

"Uh oh..." wailed Buffy, hiccupping again.

"Yeah, uh oh," replied Willow, helping Buffy up as Spike collapsed in a heap. "We're all trying to sleep, and all me and Dawn can hear is 'hee hee hee' and 'crash'. What are you doing?"

Dawn pulled the bedroom door open, and came to join them. Her mouth dropped open at the sight of a very drunk Spike and Buffy. Buffy answered Willow with a giant burp.

"She's drunk!" cried Dawn. "And he is, look!"

By this time, Anya had joined the gathering on the landing too. "What's _he_ doing here?" she asked, pointing at Spike.

Buffy giggled like a little girl. "He's sleeping over," she told them. "He's my boyfriend now!"

"Pay up," Anya ordered Willow, who folded her arms over her chest and spoke gently to Buffy.

"Uh, Buffy?" she asked. "Are you, um, sure you thought this through? You know, before the booze?"

Buffy hiccupped again. "Booze," she said, with a laugh.

"We were kissing before the beer," Spike said, suddenly, hoisting himself up on his elbows. "In fact, the beer was because of the kissing." Willow, Dawn and Anya looked at Buffy in surprise.

"Buffy?" Dawn tried this time. "Is this true?" Buffy simply nodded.

"Fine," said Willow, who was again surrendering. "Buffy, get to bed. But you-" She stopped Spike, who had been crawling after her. "You can sleep on the sofa."

* * *

"So they're really... an item?" asked Giles, the following afternoon, eyeing Spike with disgust. 

"Are you sure you haven't been at the 'Let My Will Be Done' spells again, Wil?" Xander asked, almost hopefully.

"I swear I haven't!" Willow cried, and Tara looked impressed.

"You did a spell to have your will be done?" she asked. "Wow, that must have been great!"

"It wasn't," Giles and Xander assured her, together.

"Its her own choice, I suppose," said Giles, finally, looking over to the candle stand, where Buffy and Spike were restocking and chatting happily. "I'm not her Watcher formally, anymore, so I can't tell her what to do. And even if I could, it's never a given that Buffy does what she's told anyway."

"Well I think it's neat," decided Dawn, cheerfully. "Spike and Buffy are two of my favourite people, and it's nice to have them together."

"I think its fabulous!" cried Anya, excitedly pulling out her money and displaying it on the table. "It got me seventy-five dollars!"

"Bah," spat Willow. "I should have stuck at fifty."

"Buffy?" Spike asked softly, as they had laid the last slug candle on the stand. "Can I talk to you in the training room for a second?"

"Sure," she repied with a smile. She took Spike's hand and called out to the others, "We'll be back in a minute!"

Spike pulled Buffy by her fingers into the training-area, where Buffy rested against the horse nonchalantly. "So," she said. "What's up?"

Spike took both of Buffy's hands in his and stared into her eyes. "Buffy," he began, slowly. "Today has been like another person's life - being with you, talking to you, not being kicked in-" He froze, as if he suddenly expected Buffy to throw a punch. "But, I think we'd better stop it, whatever we're doing."

Buffy frowned. "What?" she asked, suddenly dropping Spike's hand - which she had been squeezing. "Why?"

"Think about it," he replied. "I'm a vampire. Sure, we'd have a few months, years maybe. But what about after that? What about when you want to get married? What if you want to have children? What if you want to buy a house of your own, after Dawn grows up and moves out?"

Buffy laughed, and took Spike's hand again. "You think I hadn't thought of that before?" she queried, raising an eyebrow. "Of course I've thought about it. And I don't want to get married. It's too much hassle, too much money - and it tears the couple apart."

Buffy stopped, as she heard Xander coughing loudly from the other room. Spike suddenly realised the door was open -and all the Scoobies could hear them - and he shut it immediately.

"And if I want children, I'll adopt," she continued. "I mean, childbirth? Yuck. I get all the pain I want from Slaying, thankyou very much. And I like my mom's house. It holds memories of her, and memories of me since I lived here. I think I'll always want to live there." She draped her arms around Spike's neck, and shot him a dazzling smile. "I want to be with you, Spike. I love you. After all the fights we've had, I love y-"

But Buffy hadn't time to finish her sentence, as Spike had seized her waist, and pulled her in for a long, romantic kiss against the horse, putting one hand in her shiny, golden hair, and another one holding her down at her hip-bones.

"Right," he said, laughingly, his lips moving against hers. "It's settled. Now you're never, _ever_, getting away from me."


	14. No Place Like Home

**A/N I think the background to this epilogue needs some explaining. I guess I've turned slightly AU, I'm sorry, but the endings of Seasons 5, 6 and 7 never happened. Sunnydale is left standing, and Spike never attacked Buffy, and Buffy never died! They lived their lives so far (or in Spike's case, unlife) happily, and with each other. Please note I am not a medical genius, and the details of this chapter may not be correct. I guess this chapters kind of bittersweet, but I would appreciate if my reviews were flame-free.**

**This is for all my reviewers, and for the creators of the Buffyverse. Not that I think they'll be reading.**

**Alas, this is the end of Love Bytes. But do not fear, this is not the end of Moondancing Millie. Those of you who liked this fic might like to read my new Spuffy fic (please)? Its set in WW2, with Buffy as a young sixteen year old thrown together with her next-door-neighbour William by the tradegies of war, and love ensues...**

* * *

**SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...**

Elizabeth Summers - the woman formerly known as Buffy - stood at her upstairs window, twitching in anticipation. It was an event that had occured nearly daily since she had fallen in love with the man who was meant to be calling any minute.

She given everything up for him. Even her job - the occupation that had brought her to him in the first place - she had given up. The Slayer line had carried on through Faith, who had perished tragically in a motorbike accident, and Buffy was no longer needed. She could live her life happily as an elder woman whilst the youngsters fought the evil. Naturally, of course, she had to join in sometimes.

The doorbell rang, and Elizabeth scurried - as fast as her bowed legs could carry her, anyhow - down the stairs and to the front door, which she opened hurriedly. Her heart swelled at the sight that met her.

"Spike," she gushed, and her love swept upon her to lay a gentle kiss on her aging lips. "I thought you'd never get here! It turned dark almost an hour ago."

"Well I had to get something for my lady," argued Spike, and he produced a rather large bouquet of roses from behind his back and presented her with them. "Only the best for you, pet."

Elizabeth took the flowers from him and into the kitchen, where she began tending to them whilst Spike found a vase. He knew his way around her kitchen quite well now - it had been sixty years since they had become a couple, though you wouldn't have known it by looking at the vampire. He still looked as fresh and ageless (well, as fresh and ageless as the undead could look) as he had appeared back in the Buffy days.

"Oak-matured mead, m'lady?" he asked, rummaging around in the liquor cabinet hungrily.

"Top shelf, to the left," Elizabeth replied, pruning her flowers and putting them into the water-filled vase one by one. "We've come a long way from light beer from a bottle, haven't we?"

"You bet, pet," he said, uncorking the bottle and pouring the golden liquid into two glasses, and raised his own. "To us," he said. "To you at eighty-one, and to me at... how old am I again?"

"I forget," said Elizabeth, distractedly, as she finished her flowers and set the vase up on the windowsill. Spike looked slightly deterred.

"Well," he said, handing Elizabeth her glass. "To me and you."

"Here, here," she added, and together they drained their glasses. Grabbing the bottle, Spike followed her into the lounge, where they collapsed onto the sofa to talk.

**_"This is how every day should end," remarked Buffy, with a wave of her beer bottle, and a slurp that echoed off the walls of the crypt. "Don't you think, Spike?"_**

**_"Definitely, pet," he answered, and he swigged his own beer. They had returned to his crypt once it had been dark enough to leave the Magic Box, holding hands the whole way home. In honour of their relationship, Willow had offered to Dawn-sit, as she referred to it now, as Dawn had screamed ferociously at the last person to mention "babysitting". Buffy was free to spend the night, which was her plan exactly._**

**_"You know," she replied, thoughtfully sucking the lip of her bottle. "I thought you were going to pull some noble-vampire crap on me earlier."_**

**_Spike scoffed. "I'm not Angel!" he cried, and accidently dropped his bottle in his lap, the froth erupting all over his pants before he could do anything. "Oh, bloody hell. Besides, I made the right decision in the end, didn't I? I could have said I don't care what you think now, you'll want to do this-"_**

**_His rambling speech - which was mostly to himself, anyway - was cut off abruptly by Buffy, who had leant over to fix her lips to his. Spike's protests were drowned almost immediately,, and his eyes were still closed when Buffy pulled away and whispered in his ear. "I think we'd better get these pants off."_**

**_That woke Spike up. "What?" he spluttered, hardly believing what he heard. Buffy rolled her eyes._**

**_"They're soaked!" she replied, and Spike groaned, realising Buffy's true reason behind her exclamation. And just when he thought he was going to get lucky..._**

**_Spike stood up and began unzipping his trousers. "Um," he said, stopping suddenly. "Do you want to turn away, or something?"_**

**_"Why?" asked Buffy, enjoying Spike's facial expression. "You're wearing underwear, aren't you?" Spike was grateful that he couldn't blush at this particular moment in time._**

**_"Yeah..." he said, and Buffy turned around. "Geez," she muttered. "I didn't realise you were so modest..."_**

**_"I'm going to find some more trousers!" he called, and Buffy heard his footsteps die away as he made his way downstairs to his "bedroom". It was a while before he returned, and Buffy had used the time to seek more alcohol, and was helping herself when Spike reappeared, this time wearing the Hawaiian shorts he had used last year. With a snort, Buffy slopped most of her new drink down her T-shirt._**

**_"Oh, man!" she moaned, and she reached for the bottom of her T-shirt, but froze, mid-undress._**

**_"I don't have anything for you to change into," said Spike, answering her unspoken question, and Buffy rolled her T-shirt back down._**

**_"Looks like its fate," she replied, whilst she tried to mop up some of the spillage with her jacket. "Somebody wants us to take our clothes off."_**

**_"Well, I guess it would be unwise to challenge fate..." began Spike, and Buffy grinned._**

**_"I agree," she answered, and she and Spike exchanged simultaenous mischievous glances._**

**_"Race you there," he challenged, and together the couple ran to the wooden stairs down to the sub-level and descended, wrapped up in a passionate embrace. And, well, the rest I'll leave up to your imagination._**

Sixty years later, the pair sat demurely on the sofa, barely paying attention to the show on TV, and sat exchanging news of their daytime activities, hands entwined. Their physical relationship with each other had perished gracefully, but their love for one another wouldn't - couldn't - die.

"Let's watch the stars," suggested Spike, and he supported Elizabeth out of the door, and onto the porch. He helped her down onto the wooden bench, and then sat himself there, fingers still linked, and her heart still hammering at his touch.

"I love you, Spike," she whispered, softly, barely audible over the sirens from the busy night on the main road. Spike put his face in her grey head.

"I love you too, Buffy," he replied, and her ears rang with the use of her old name, before the pair fell asleep in their romantic clinch.

* * *

The following morning was Friday, the day Dawn came for a coffee morning. Elizabeth's sister was becoming as elderly as her, though slightly more slender and agile - which was ironic, as she had not been the Slayer. 

Dawn noticed her sister slumped on the wooden bench in the porch, hands laid in her lap, and head resting against the wall, as she had approached the house. It was wiser to walk, as fuels for her car were getting expensive.

"Oh, Buffy!" she cried, hobbling up the steps. "Did you sleep out here all night under the stars?" She got nearer to her sister and saw her cheeks had paled slightly, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her frame was stiff and her skin was cold as Dawn took a hand as she sat at her side. "Buffy?" She squeezed the fingers, tight. "Elizabeth, wake up!"

Dawn's middle fingers felt for a pulse, and she was met with nothing. She rummaged around in her purse for a key, and let herself into the house, running straight for the telephone and dialling 911.

"Yes, hello?" Dawn's voice was shaking as she spoke into the receiver. "I need an ambulance. I found my sister on her porch, and there's no pulse!" She tried to keep her voice, steady, but failed. "1630, Revello Drive. Thankyou."

Dawn rushed back out to her sister, and sat, heart thumping madly, waiting for the paramedics to arrive, though her hope was fading fast. Buffy looked so calm, so peaceful... it was likely she had already passed. She had no idea how long she had been without a heartbeat, it could have been as long ago as yesterday afternoon, as Dawn had called that morning to confirm the coffee morning. Dawn rocked back and forth, squeezing Buffy's hand. The two were meant to be drinking coffee right now, and not awaiting her medical state.

Finally, the white and red vehicle pulled up outside the house, and two young paramedics leapt out of the car, one rushing to the back to seize equipment, one heading straight for Dawn and Buffy's body.

"No pulse?" he checked with Dawn, who shook her head, and he felt for a pulse to various places, as well as checked for the possibility of a rising chest before moving the body horizontally to perform CPR. He spoke into his walkie talkie before continuing.

After no success, his partner helped him lift her onto a stretcher before turning to Dawn. "We're going to take her into the emergency room," he told her, and patting her shoulder comfortingly. "And we can give you something for the shock there." Dawn nodded, and followed the paramedics down the path, before turning to have one last look at the bench. There was something there she hadn't noticed before.

It was a pile of grey dust, that Dawn must have passed as she had made her way to Buffy's other side only half an hour ago. The ash was covering the space where somebody else would have sat next to Buffy. And then Dawn realised, with a sad pang to her heart. Her sister was dead, she knew it. She had died along with the man she loved.

Spike.


End file.
